Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Getting worse and harder

Painter,

Thank You and will do what you have mentioned.

I just got a call from Child Support that my wife has officially filed for child support.

I don't know what to say exactly but have a few choice words right now. It's only been less than two months and she's changing all the bills and giving me back the car that has payments and wants my truck since it's paid off.

I guess she is done and I have to be done with her too.

God help me do the right things.

What is the right thing though?

I dont know why this is a bad thing. Why WOULDNT she file for this?

Good morning.

Azzork, I was already giving her money, but I guess I didn't expect her to do this and come home sometime. I guess I figured she wouldn't do this at all. It all seems calculated and unreal to me. It signals another nail in the coffin.

It's been two days now since I've literally spoke with her or texted her for anything. She still hears my voice when I speak to my kids when I call to say good night to them.

I am blown away and have a different view now, although I haven't really thought about why or what the new view is. I just know it's different.

Honestly, I don't know what comes next for me. I'm tired with all this and have so many things to think about and what I am going to do. All I know is that I am hurt, but less hopeful. I know I don't like her right now, but really don't care see the good in her and pursing her. I love my kids and I am pissed off that I live so far from them and I had a significant part in this breakup, but still can't believe that my wife won't try to work this out. I do believe that I must make a decision on whether to move closer to my kids and to either move forward or to move on. I can't keep hoping that wife will change her mind cause I don't get anywhere and am only fooling myself into sadness and despair.

Sometimes someone needs a hug to say it will be alright...I need one now, but will it be alright?

I only have the will and power for my kids now and nothing to give or fight for her.

I am taking blow after blow from her that hurts only on the inside of me. I try to be strong but every hurt or cut seems to be building and taking it's toll. I know I must push through and be an Army of One.

Oh Dear God, I ask you to hear my petitions and give me the strength and will power to be stronger so I can persevere.

Well, now you can stop giving her the other money. But you should have to give her whatever the courts decide....child support and possibly spousal support for some time.


Nope. None of this is helpful. Your next step is the same as it was when you joined. GAL, work on you, and detach. Stop focusing on your wife and turn it inwards.


The strength comes from you. I wrote this in my thread yesterday:
Once you learn that you will be ok by yourself, the fear goes away. And once the fear is gone, you can do anything. Time to start proving it to yourself.

I understand the shock you are feeling - the official stamp on her actions that signals her moving forward - but it's really what she has been saying all along, and she probably got advise to apply for CS so she wouldn't be depending on contact with you or handouts. She wants to be independent, so this is a part of it - she doesn't want to rely on your gifts.

At some point, you have to get from "I can't believe this is happening to me!" to "Okay, this is happening, now what do I do about it." Your hopes and expectations have to go out the window. That is what is called disengaging.

You were going to see a L yesterday? How did that go?

Azzork and Painter,

Thanks for helping me understand.

AK-
1. Will see what the Courts say about CS and abide with it.
2. Doing the GAL...isn't as easy for me though. I always have to push myself to do so. I am still looking for a Divorce/Separation Group in my area. Geez, I'd be happy to even find a singles group that's not all about Party's.
3. Yes to seeing that I will be alright by myself. I am feeling it more and more as time passes.

PR- Man, your insight on CS and wife may not want contact and depending on me for money is spot on. She literally said that.

I spoke with lawyer and this is pretty much par for the course. She will be looking into what I can do but I have to know that how far the lawyer tales it is on my and may even force wife to push hard and this could get nasty. How far to take things and how much will the kids be affected with this. Suggestion was to try and work as mature adults before it gets ugly. Don't do anything drastic that cannot be reversed.

Hm. That L sounds like she doesn't really want to deal with your situation. You may want to talk to someone else. There are plenty of Ls out there, and you may have to meet with several to find a good one.

Did you get any information about your rights when it comes to your children? Maybe you need to find a L who understands the issue of father's rights?

Painter,

Your right. I am going to have to interview several lawyers. I heard one on the radio that Barry Sander's endorses. It a firm that fights for fathers rights. It's insane that Courts/Judges continue to dog the Dads/Fathers who are still there fighting to be apart of their children's lives. God knows that there are way to many that are unaccounted for or just don't care. "I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE FOOLS!"

I got to let go of trying to figure out a way to get my wife to come home.

Good morning.

I among other things I need help with as stated about in previous posts I wondering if I should continue to tell wife and her brother that I was thinking of them when their Father's Death Anniversary comes up in a few days?

The Father was very good to me and trusted me and I really appreciated him and was close to him.

I have been told not to acknowledge my own anniversary this month September 26th. She that be the case with the Father's Death Anniversary?

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you like to win but think you can't,

It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost.

For out in the world we find

Success begins with a fellow's will.

It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are out classed, you are.

You've got to think high to rise.

You've got to be sure of your-self before

You can ever win the prize.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man.

But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.