Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers have i been making mistakes too long part 6

tkdmme,

Sorry I have not been around for the last couple of weeks. I see that you are moving along in the process. We all hope the W will suddenly reappear. Everyone told me that W was gone and I would never get her back. If I wanted an R it would have to be with a new W.

I believe this. The problem is, I do not like new W. She is not a good person. She is a person I would never have raise my children. She is a person I would not even consider being in a relationship with.

Once think I noticed is that you were concerned about her debt. I am telling you right now, do not try to take care of her. It is not your job and she will not even appreciate it. In fact, she will more than likely try to find a way for you to pay through the courts anyways.

Still wish I had time to come see you in Athens. Are you a member of a course or do you go to the public courses? I love to play golf, but I have not played in about 2 months now--maybe longer.

Whyus,

Its good to hear from you. I feel the same way. I don't like the new W either. However she is a good mother. I have noticed that she is not the same to kids as she used to be. She is not as loving and is not around as much as she used to be.

We had an argument last night over who should leave. She suggested that I move out. I told her that I am not moving out and if she wants the separation then she can move out. I said argument but it was more of a conversation. We both agreed that if there was any chance of reconciling. that we would have to separate for a while. I am fine with this. She does nothing but bring me down when she is around. I feel kind of stuck in the detachment because I have to see her everyday. She is still blaming me for everything. I tell her that I understand how she feels and that I have accepted my role in the downfall of the M.

Im not completely sure if I am doing everything right but I am trying to validate and move forward. AS AZZORK has stated, I am only 2 months into DB and I should stay patient and consistent in my DBing. I do think that physical separation is in order at this point in the sitch. I also agree that we should separate our finances.

My W is not the person I married but I do know that she is hurting too. She does not look good and has lost weight. She was a small girl anyway and now she looks sick. I feel for her and I know that I am somewhat responsible for all of this.

I was an atheist for many years but 5 years ago I was saved and began trying to grow closer to God. My W is also a Christian but has turned her back on God. I cant help but feel responsible for her lost faith. I know that each person is responsible for the own faith but I still feel the guilt of this.

Anyway, I rambling.

BTW im not a member of any club, I play the public courses. I am in Augusta so there are many great public courses in the area.

I am not sure if it is against the rules to ask, but where are you in GA?

TK
I feel we are in the same spot currently. I also belive the Separation must happen for any chance of us reconciling or not. I will not be the one to help it along though, i will not move out, etc..She needs to do this.
Interesting about the faith. I recently started back in church and i almost lose control of feelings every week. I wish she would fine her way to church and here the messages, but that is her journey now.
It does sound you are growing stronger, keep it up

Otw,

You want to hear something funny? She suggested that I move in with her mother. Her mom lives less that 5 min from US and w can live there for free. I have no family here that I can stay with. There is no logic in her thinking. I think she doesn't want to move with her mom because her mom will hold her accountable for her actions. Her mom is against the d and has been very supportive of me.

I also want the w to reconnect with the church. I want this more than I want my w to reconnect with me.

LOL, My wife suggested i go move in with my mother. They dont want there lives affected, but want this life changing event to happen. Crazy. They also want this and we dont, but they want us to do the work.

I was speaking to a friend yesterday that went through all of the same situations and now they are working through things to reconcile. I finally asked him after he tells me that is wife says my W is doing the same things she did. I asked him if he minded if i speak with her to get her view of things. He was stunned and said, I never thought of that. we are being so rational about everything and they are not rational. You need to relate to crazy and start thinking crazy.

The church though has helped so much, i am working on trying to get the kids more excited about it. Maybe that will help her along as well.

Otw,

Church has been great for me as well. Did you talk to your friends w? What did she have to say?

My w told me last night that it's not fair that I am playing "super dad". I told her I was not playing anything. You would think she would be happy that I am trying to build better R with my kids. Crazy is spot on!!

i feel like we are living the same life. Yesterday the wife expressed that i was occupying all of the kids time!!!!

I have not spoke to the other W yet. i will def update.

Although I hate for anyone to go through this, it is comforting to know that I'm not alone and that this sitch is not unique.

SO it Tuesday again and that means i am playing piano tonight. After last nights set back i really need a good night tonight.

After being accused of playing super dad and not having the kids best interests in mind, today hasn't been great. I know what i am doing to draw closer to my kids is a good thing, but her words replay in my mind. It makes me think, maybe she is right.

Something that she keeps saying is "Its not fair for you to start making these changes now". I guess she means she wasn't expecting me to change or she doesn't want me to change. I don't know anymore what she means. It is all confusing.

Im tired of trying to figure her out.