My story. My wife and I separated in January. We live in Seattle and I moved back to Chicago. We had to usual going back and forth. Some good days and some bad. In March she told me she wanted a divorce which I agreed to. In Washington state you can file by mail so she sent me the paperwork in July which I sent back.
Fast forward to last week. I texted her on a Sunday night stating that I would be in town for a few days and would she like to meet. Within 5 minutes she responded with a yes. I spent the next three days with her in our old house. We had spats but overall it was great. She told me she loved me, told her co workers I was her husband and stated she never mailed in the divorce papers. I saw them sitting there.
On our last night together I told her I was going to move back to a separate apartment. She did not react well and I went to sleep on the couch. She called me back into the bedroom and slept with her head on my chest.
The next am she told me how much she loved me and missed being my wife. I went to her work and dropped her off. She knew my plans. After I left I got a few texts from her telling me how much she missed me already. After a few days this all dried up.
I sent her flowers and got no response until I told her I was moving out there in a few weeks. She flew off the handle stating she was seeing someone, I am acting like a stalker, she is happy with her life know and she realizes why she wants a divorce. I forgot to mention that this is gonna be her third divorce. We had not seen each other in over 8 months and not talked on the phone in three.
My question is what should I do? I am still planing on moving out there. I will be an hour away and stalking someone is not in my personae. My plan is to lay low and not make any contact. She knows I will be there. If there is any hope I need to be closer and just do my own thing. Her ups and downs are killing me but I saw how she acted when I was around.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
That will be no problem. I am over 2000 miles away. This site is incredible and I have been coming since March. I have worked on GAL and it worked perfectly. Its just that this current situation is so confusing. The bipolar shift within a matter of days after I left.
My question is. Am I wrong for moving back out there, where I will be 45 minutes away? I do not plan on contacting her, bothering her, etc. I am just going to lay low.
I think it depends on why you are moving there. Are you moving there for you? Is there a great new opportunity you are moving there to take up? If you are moving to enhance your own life, I think that is great.
I agree with you about going dark. She warmed up and then got cold feet, so pursuit wouldn't be a good idea right now.
Goof luck with whatever you decide to do!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
What I do not understand is why she got cold feet. I did everything right, no pressure, no talk of divorce, etc. I was the cool collective guy she feel in love with. It seems that right after I left someone got into her ear. So strange.
The worst thing is when she told me I was acting like a stalker which is so untrue because I had not spoken to her in months. All I did was send flowers after I left because she told me how much she loved me. The introducing me as a husband made me smile and I thought ok I am back in the game. The divorce papers still have not been filed.
All I can do is work on myself when I get out there and leave her alone. She will know were I am and how to get in touch with me. The last thing I want to do i scare her. Thanks for any advice.
