I need some advice: w gave my ilyb speech in Feb, asked me to move out in June, and filed for d last week. No affairs, abuse, etc. Since then, she has been much different around me. We can talk and laugh, and she sits next to me. Fixed me a plate, and made me a lunch Monday night. Last night at s(8) ballgame, we talked and joked and laughed like everything was ok. Then when we put the kids in her car, she started talking about the lawyer, who I meet for the first time tomorrow. I feel like we are closer now than we have been since May, when things were feeling so much better. She started kissing me and initiating sex, then it's like a switch flipped. Unsure what I should be doing now. I just rented a house, and haven't moved in yet. Just bought DR, have started on it. She says that she wants to remain friends, but I want so much more! Thanks Me 35 W 34 M 13 T 14 S 8, 6, 4
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hey dday. Sorry to hear about this. Based on my personal experience, and many others on the DB forum, I would not be so certain that there is no affair involved. The described behavior is very typical for women in an affair. It might have taken her until June to get up the "courage" to file or to plan an exit strategy. You will have to keep your cool and keep your emotions in check. This is very difficult, but DR will help you, and other members on the forum will help. Make sure to read Sandi's posts, as they will be the most informative in this situation.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
Hi DDay, I second the sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Definitely read all of the HW that cadet just posted...very valuable stuff.
Begin worrying about what you can do to be a better version of yourself, read Sandi's 37 and try to follow those that you feel apply to your situation.
Continue to post and vent here, we are all here to support you through this rough time.
God Bless.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
She told me that she started feeling that way last October, and wanted to get through the holidays and birthdays. I had been depressed, and had a few beers each night. Not getting drunk. In October, I finally got my antidepressant working, and haven't drank much since. Not a drop in months. We had grown apart with a new house, remodeling, kids are in every activity... etc. We had lost sight of what was important, our marriage. I've been in counseling with our priest, I am reading DR now, and I feel like I have done everything for her since Feb. and probably lost her respect. I will start reading the threads, and can use all the advice I can get!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
My current GAL plan is: start playing ball again, trap shooting with work friends, learn to ride a motorcycle with my sisters hubby, make the best little bachelor pad that I can for me and my boys.
I liked the lighthouse story. I still think there is A, but she has told me that she lost herself and just isn't happy. Not sure why that equals divorce though? I asked her a couple days ago if she thought she would be better off without me, and she wouldn't answer and just said that she hadn't been happy in a long time.
Wish I would have seen that a lot sooner
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
(I still dont think there is an A, bit the wayward wife post was eerily familiar.) Ok, just read the last resort section. That is kinds the advice I had been given by a friend, and I think it has the best chance. She had asked me a while back if I had been doing anything for myself, which I hadnt. Probably didn't help my case much. That is about to change. 180 here we come!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
We are meeting at her lawyer in the morning. I still don't understand how after she filed for divorce, she has allowed us to start connecting again. She hasn't acted like herself at all this year. She is like a rollercoaster, and I have got swept up on it. Gotta work on detachment too
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
