Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Asked for the D

I'm not speaking for ILYNOT, but that was exactly why I asked for my D. I was ready to move on from the limbo, he hadn't shown any interest in me in a year and a half. I cannot date until I'm legally D, that's just me, so......

I think it was the most mature decision you could make, although a very hard one. I did the same thing with my WW. I asked her to make a choice between me and OM. Told her that I could not and would not live in an open marriage. She ultimately filed for D but I retained what dignity I had left and am able to move forward with a clear conscience.

I can fully relate to you. We are only human, and we can accept so much. You have given you all, and you should be proud of that.

If you read my sitch, I have asked the same this weekend to my STBXH, and like you I feel that a weight has been lifted. You have been on an hard but incredible journey, and become a better you. Be proud of who you are.

God has a path for you. Praying for you.

That is not the point, but yes in order for me to pursue other options I need to be legally D.

WAS already has her new place, new friends and so do I, we are completely physically detached, I just really need to move on, this just hurts TOO much to be there as her friend.

I rather completely cut all ties and make it official, makes no sense to live in 2 different houses, have different lives, not talk, not text, etc. and still be legally married?

Thank you Rouky, I really needed that, I will chime in on your sitch!

Well, my suspicion happened, today I found a lot of pictures of W and OM, she claims he likes her and they are friends and that he is "NICE", she mentioned I myself will also find friends and which is "Ok".

Very heart broken with the evidence, I knew since BD that he had something to do with it.

BD happened after she went to his gym.
Caught her at his place cause she was going to rent a room there when we were separating.
She is still in his class
Joined another class that he is also in
She denies it. Claims by me questioning her about the pictures that I haven't changed.

That I need to let her be and this will continue because they are friends.

That it validates her decision to leave.

WOW...

That [censored] man, but really, you can't be too surprised by this. From what I've been reading, women for the most part never walk out of a stable R until they have something else they consider better already lined up. Sorry you had to find out so late in the game, but it doesn't change anything. She's obviously been seeing him for a while, and will continue. The ironic thing is that now that it's out in the open, chances are that it falls apart sooner than it might have otherwise. Affairs cannot live under broad daylight.

But you already planned for and asked for the D. Time to let your WW live the life she chose and you make an even better one for yourself. I think you made the right choice too. I'm 6 months out from BD, with my own WW having moved straight from me into OM's house. I've giving it a year, then doing same as you and filing. I mean, how long do you let this kind of thing drag out? At some point, you need to reclaim your dignity and self-respect. We are already being 100x more patient than most men would have been in these situations. I've known people who ran straight to an attorney and filed within a week of discovering an A. Usually, it's a deal breaker, period.

You gave it your best, and truly stood for your M and your vows. Bravo to you sir. Your WW doesn't deserve you, and I really hope you find a future Mrs. who truly loves and cherishes you.

DWH15 Thank you, I needed that, I must have slept 2hrs last night, I'm tired. I feel betrayed all over again. The wound opened up and I really thought it was sealed and had moved on emotionally, I had already prepared etc.

I believe I did give it my all, laid it out on the table to re-consider, counseling, Retrovouille, church, changed my ways, habits, became a better person and still nothing from her end.

Its a tough pill to swallow, when you have been patient and helping her through this process, etc. all while she was out doing stuff with others.

Please say a prayer for me as I really need one, for God to show me a sign of what to do next.

Sorry to hear that. Just to let you know that WH also don't leave a stable marriage unless they are moving in with OW, if that can be of any comfort. You have done the best you could given the circumstances.

It hurts and in the end you haven't destroyed your marriage. You only tried to save it. Be courageous. After the storm comes the sun :-)

ILYNOT, my brother, I am so sadden by this. It really [censored] that you are going through this. Having it confirmed does not make it easier to swallow or for you to move on. I am praying for you my brother through all of this. I dread the day that I find something more than flirty text but I know it is only bound to happen.

Continue to post, and let out the frustration here. We support you, you are an incredible person, it is her lost.