Hello, it is very fitting that I start a new thread with some new news to share.
Last evening H tells me that he has broken things off with OW. Big news right? Why do I feel so conflicted? I guess because I realize that there is still so much more to our R than just her. She was a big part but not the whole. We both agreed that we do not want to change the things we are doing currently. Phew. Im not ready. I still have so much more to learn here, my work is not done.
I dont have time to write more now but I will as there is lots to discuss and digest. I do want to say thank you again to everyone on here that is guiding me through one of the most difficult journeys I have ever been on. I would not be going on a date tonight with my spouse if it werent for all of you.
Big hugs and kisses to all, wish me luck.
Married 1991 D 32 GD 12 D 30 GD 3 S 29 M 58 S 57 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person New bomb 09/24 I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
great news! I had a similar situation in 2008. We did not do the right work and I am here now. Please keep doing the work or it can come back and bite you in the caboose.
Lonelee - please make sure to keep expectations at zero. Go very slowly. Think of him like a scared squirrel trying to eat out of your hand - no sudden moves!
Very big news. Not surprised you feel conflicted. Lots of repair work, questions about whether his decision will hold, doubts about whether it means he wants to really work on the M. Just stick to the game plan & watch for patterns.
Good luck with this next phase!
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Huge congrats on a big step in the right direction. Just remember like everyone said, no expectations. If he just broke it off, he's likely to still be conflicted about OW and may have feelings for her that will take a while to fade. Keep doing your thing, try to enjoy time with your H as just friends for now, and remember that you are going to be just fine, regardless of what happens next. Good luck.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Thank you all. Be friends and no expectations.. got it. Pretty much as ive been doing and no plans on changing that now. I did not mention it again tonight wondered if he would so I followed his lead.
Part of the reasons he mentioned for breaking things off with her was her lack of moving more towards him rather than staying in her marriage. There had been talk of her relocating here when we first started this back in april. He was not seeing progress towards that and had not been seeing her very much in the time that we have been going thru all this. I had stated this earlier in my posts.
I actually said to him that she probably only liked it when they were cheating behind my back and that game was over when he moved out. Not very nice of me I know but there could be a bit of truth to it.
He stated that " she has become less of an issue since he had moved out and that it had the opposite effect on him where she is concerned."
He stated " now or the reasons he left now are different and theyre changing as time goes by, he is seeing and missing some things and thankful hes out for some others. " this I can relate to as I know our home needs some tlc and he gets some anxiety over it when he is here.
He stated that he liked the effort being made by me towards our "coffee" making more like when we were kids ( my 180 ) and he likes that " alot " and he also likes my appearance "alot" since weight loss and looking nicer and making more of an effort with wardrobe choices. This too I can relate too. It kind of makes him look shallow but I appreciate his honesty and encouraging my efforts in these areas... lets face it the truth needs to be told and heard.
Lastly he stated " he sees no reason to change the way things are right now and that we will figure this all out eventually ". I agreed that no sudden changes with what we are presently doing. Im not ready for that either.
I was hoping to hear that he decided that he was madly in love with me and that was his reasons for the break up. I know big expectations right? Thats probably why im feeling a little conflicted too.
I think I may be making an impact on him but he doesnt want to lead me on in anyway at this time. He shared some positives which im grateful to hear. At least ive got an indication ive got his attention at the very least.
Married 1991 D 32 GD 12 D 30 GD 3 S 29 M 58 S 57 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person New bomb 09/24 I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
