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Oh, she also told me her mother is back at the hospital, she suffers from various sickness. She further writes "I was dealing with that last night as well, so when it rains...." (I guess indirectly telling me that she is also dealing with our separation) I know mind-reading, don't put too much though into that.

I responded with "I am sorry to hear that, I will keep your mother, your brother, and you in my prayers. I hope all turns out well for her. I am here to support you, if you accept it"

I don't know if I handled that correctly. I don't want to seem cold hearted, I know what her mother means to her.

I think that was perfect, you acknowledged, showed you cared and didn't over do it. Good job, love the quote btw, I needed that today! Thank you!

I'm glad you have decided to stay in the home. yes if she is the one needing space then she should be the one to leave the marital home.

Don't let the emotions get the best of you, feel them but don't let them drown you, you will overcome this, that I know.

Keep moving forward!

Just keep building those small positive moments in your life. You are doing them for you, because its the right thing to do and before you know it you'll be mensch.

Thank you so much guys.

Took the little one to the DRs and everything is fine. Which is what I hoped for.

Waiting for my W to get home with the oldest so that I can see him and give him a big hug and kiss.

Not much to update as we have moved to a stage in which we only communicate when need to, for me it is much better this way...allows me to detach more.

Why is it hard sometimes to say no to W?

I slept at my mother's house. I haven't moved back in yet. W TMs me this morning telling me how she couldn't sleep last night, will be keeping the baby, and if I would do her the favor of dropping off the oldest at summer camp.

In all honesty, I was getting ready to respond with a sure, no problem. I then decided to take a few minutes, think things through. I have no problem helping out, but it seems to me that I don't get the same thoughts in return when she decides to take her "time" and "space". I felt that giving into this request, is enabling her cake eating...am I wrong there?

It just feels so bad to say no to her, and not help out. I want to be there to support and help her with everything.

Just needed to get that thought out....thank you.

EMM -
In my mind, theres a line somewhere, but its pretty fuzzy. Especially when it comes to the kids. In my opinion, accept some things when its not too difficult (and when you get extra kiddo time) and turn some things down when you cant or dont really want to do it.

But, saying no is tough.

Hello everyone,

Just journaling.

Definitely made some mistakes and took a few steps backwards this weekend. W and I spent some time together and ended up speaking about the R, which led to an argument about me feeling disrespected with her flirting and texting. I made a fool out of myself, tried to be controlling, made threats about exposing it, etc. I ended up calming down, and just retiring to bed, I was very ashamed of my reaction, and how I allow myself to get to that point.

The next day, I took my baby boy and just went to visit my mother, and spend the time there. I re-centered myself and began working on how I can become a better me. My insecurities, my fears, looking deep inside to understand why I am holding on so strongly and why I am so afraid to accept the end of my marriage.

I have been reading The Four Agreements, great book, and wanted to share something that has resonated with me, and though you guys might enjoy.

"God is life. God is life in action. The best way to say, "Thank you, God" is by letting go of the past and living in the present moment, right here and now. Whatever life takes away from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now." - the four agreements

Back to just focusing on me and the boys. God Bless

Ok yes you need to learn to STFU, not be controlling cause you can only control you, you don't own her...

Don't threaten her again, that just make her hide more things from you and not trust you.

But what's done is done. Keep calm, STFU, VALIDATE!

DO WHAT WORKS..

ILYNOT,

You are absolutely right. I let me emotions get the best of me and my jealousy ran away from me.

I will keep this all in mind. Remain calm, STFU, and Validate.

I do not own her, and I don't understand why I have such a feeling of possession. I need to work on this.

Thank you again for taking the time to read and respond, and provide me with great advice.

Thinking about you, everything ok?

Remember to keep posting, let it out here!