Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Still DB'ing - Still Learning from WAW (6)

PP

I did whisper 'yes' to the offer of help.

offer accepted with thanks

If it's not possible it's ok.

V

Thank you for your help, my health elf.

V

Taking a year off to travel sounds wonderful. Even as a choice to think about sounds wonderful.

Your much farther down the this path then I am so I am not sure I can offer any advice except be well be strong.

Was your pen name chosen in tribute to Ronald McKernan, also known as Pigpen? He was a founding member of the Grateful Dead. I love his work.

Thanks Mutatio, my pen name actually came from my lack of doing laundry in college, but saying it was from Ronald Mckernan is much cooler sounding...

Happy Monday Morning DB'ers. Let's see what this week brings for all of us...

My weekend was great, spent most of it with a meditation group and then speaking about the experience with the rest of the people there. It was not the classical meditation that I am used to but had a theme. I chose to meditate on my issue with trust, especially trust around women and my W.

I got a lot of insight into the fear I had around her ability to hurt me as I felt that it had happened so often prior to us getting married. This made me not believe her when she told me about her own experiences and I ran anything that had the possibility of being negative through the lens that it was just an excuse for her to potentially leave me. Was not a strong position to live from and is something I'm going to speak more with my IC about.

No dog pick up this weekend, our schedules didn't match up but my W told me she'd be back in my town this week and wanted to drop him off to me then. When I told her that wasn't a problem at all she said she was relieved as she had expected me not to trust that she wasn't just trying to keep him from me a bit longer! How apropos given the theme of the mediation sessions.

She also asked if I would share with her some of my experiences of the weekend. I'm not sure how to do without it sounding like pursuit as it relates to our past together and my coming to understand how I could have done it better. Zues has talked about couching things as "how I will act in my next relationship". I also believe that in DB we're supposed to let our WAW's do most of the talking.

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Here's to a good week for everyone.

PP

I know that my H has asked me before about some of the things that I have done to keep doing well, even with what he's doing to me. (And yes, he has said that) I tend to just tell him it in generalities and will recommend a book to him or a site. Then I detach and let him take what he wants from my experience.

Does that make sense?

E

PP if asked be truthful, be truthful about:

Your reflections on YOUR life
How you feel about Woofie
The experience of meditation and how you have done this
Your health and wellbeing
The joys in your life

Then expect reciprocation, use humour

V

Hey PigPen. I'm not on solid footing so I deleted the post I was writing. Just know I'm rooting for you.

Makes senses, thanks Elly. I'm not sure what she wants to know about the weekend, she asked what theme I sat with and I told her that it was trust. She said she'd like to hear more about my experience when we meet next.

Thank you V, this was very helpful. I keep having to tell myself to stick to DB principles. That this isn't an opportunity to vent to her that whether I trusted her or not, she still left...

I'll share what I learned, and how it effects my current life, not about how our M was. Very good reminder V.

PP