Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers have I been making mistakes too long part3

No I haven't finished it. You are right. I'm a terrible person. I don't have a plan other that your rules. I'm floundering. Maybe I'm just a bad guy. Sorry the pity party is spot on.

Ok pity party is off. Sandi2 I'm sorry. Thank you and I hope you can forgive me for being a jerk.

Sandi was a WAS. She's telling you things that your W won't. It's like having a buy into your W's mind. Listen. Get the book. Amazon have some really cheap. Give the first part a miss, go straight to the ways of moving forward; the 180's you can do to show how you've changed. It's time for action, not words. Last thing, it's gonna take a long, long time. Do not expect instant results. You're going to need patience!

Sandi,
I was feeling sorry for myself last night and the truth is I had been drinking. That you for your comments and help. I'm reading the book this time from the beginning. Again pleas forgive me for being rude

When I said I didn't think it would bother me I was thinking in a selfish manner. I have never been in this situation so please forgive me for being emotional.

Some days I think Ive got it liked and she is going to come around. And other days I have these "pity parties".
My father was verbal and physically abusive to me and would beat me if ever cried about anything. I thought I had developed the skills to not let anything bother me to the point of crying.

I feel like a failure why I cry and can hear my father calling me a girl or something to that effect.

The W is still sleeping. We usually go to church together. I'm not sure what will happen today.

Detach. Ok Maybe I got it this time. The things she wanted me to do during our marraige are no longer valid. That's why detach is so important. That's why none of my efforts to help with the kids and around the house have had any effect on her. That's why she seems happy when I leave her alone.

This is so weird. I'm learning so much. I only wish I could have seen the warning signs and changed while it would have made a difference.

The thought of divorce makes my skin crawl. The thought of only seeing my kids on weekends makes me sick. I love my little family so much and would do anything to make this better. The DR is right. These are easy steps to take but so hard when you throw in emotions. Does everyone have trouble following the rules? Has anyone ever done this flawlessly? If so I need to talk to them right now.

No, we've all made mistakes. We all have the same feelings about our family, that's why we're here, trying to get it back together. You firstly have to work on yourself though. Drink is no good, it won't make it any clearer.

You want to go to church? Well, go - don't wait for W.

No problem, here.

For the moment, forget about saving the M, or getting a D, etc. Just try to concentrate on reading the book. As you read it and have your eyes opened even more, make some notes on what you can do to improve yourself as a man. Not a husband, but just as a man. Saving yourself comes before you are able to save anything else.

Setting personal goals is important. (Don't make them about the M or the W). It helps you to stay on track with your plan to move forward in getting healthier, happier, and a better all around man. Get a calendar/planner and fill those days with GAL plans, kid activities, etc. Challenge yourself to try something different. These things do not come naturally at first. You have to plan ahead and work the plan. Once you begin GAL, you will be able to tell a difference in your state of mind.

Have a plan to work in keeping yourself physically fit, getting enough sleep, and help for depression/anxiety. Medication, self-help books, counseling, etc. are options to consider.

Thanks sandi. You are awesome. I had a pretty good day. I went to chrch with the medal then played 18 holes by myself. Trying to GAL. Golf is something new to me and I really enjoy it. I think my W still hates me but I can't do anything about that. Feeling weird and conflicted. I feel selfish when I do thing to make me feel better. However if I feel better I'm able to carry that over to the kids. Is it possible to be miserable and thankful at the same time? It must be cause although I'm miserable about my M I'm happy at the prospect of finding myself.

I just got a Tuesday night piano job. I play golf on Mondays. I'm trying to fill my week with GAL. I just need a few more piano jobs. Any of yall need a piano player?

W just told me she wasn't going to to go to my family reunion. She said she doesn't feel comfortable there. My family loves her and doesn't judge her. Why do you think she doesn't want to go? Is it because I'm there? This wall she has build is incredibly thick and inpeneratable. Does it ever come down? I can tell she is hurt and confused. She tries to act like this doesn't concern her but it is event on her face. Whether she wants me or not, I hate to she her so depressed.