Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers have I been making mistakes too long part3

Yes I have. Very funny.

I know one thing for sure. I would still be out there floundering and screwing up if it wasn't for this site and all of the great and caring people here. This in itself gives me great hope for the future of this world.

I am humbl

humbled. Sorry got a little trigger happy.

You know that you can edit your post for the first 10 minutes.
Button all the way to the left

Glad to hear you're sleeping better. The dreams are part of this experience for most of us. And yes, they tend to be very vivid and realistic, regardless of whether you normally experience dreams that way. I've woken up more than once in a cold sweat, coming out of my dreams about WW and OM. Over time, the frequency and intensity will fade, just like with the emotions. Sounds like you are processing some anger, which again, is another very normal part of this.

I know what you mean about detaching to a point where you don't want your W back. I believe that is a very real concern. I start to feel that way sometimes and then feel guilty for thinking it. I would suggest not to focus on that too much right now. When and if your W ever gets to a point you can have those sorts of discussions, then you will have a decision to make. And there isn't a right or wrong one; should you choose to leave the M, then you continue on with your life. She pulled the trigger first. There is no guilt or shame in wanting out after your partner left months or years ago. But don't rush it. You don't know how you will feel tomorrow, let alone a year from now. Keep working on you, detach, and enjoy life again.

I like to think my nightmares (trust me, they aren't dreams) are my brains way of dealing with the hurt/needyness during the night, so that I can be stronger through the day. Yeah, I've dreamed of murdering W, because she wanted to run away with the kids and I woke up with my heart jumping out of my chest and yelling at the top of my voice. I must have dropped a stone that night with sweat. My sleep got better after a couple of months, so I manage a good 7/8 hours now.

Share your fears with us. We'll help. Your W won't.

yea, I the dreams where she is taking the kids and that she is seeing another man. I wake up and check the bedrooms to see if the kids are still there. In these dreams she is having an affair and thinks its funny when I confront her. She just laughs at me. The weird thing is that we are always in the front yard of my grandmother's house.

I also have these dreams that she has changed her mind and wants to work it out. These are worse than the nightmares because I wake up upset when reality kicks in.

Mornings are the worst for me too. The key for me is to get out of bed and moving and doing something. That is what helps me. If I just lay in bed (not saying that you do), I just wallow in self pity which is NOT GOOD.

Agreed, as soon as my eyes are open the coffee water starts boiling. Then it's time to hit the meditation mat. Coffee plus meditation = the depression and self pity don't get a hold of me.

Mornings are definitely the battle ground!

You've got to avoid depression. That is a really unpleasant road.