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You guys are all absolutely right. I have already started consulting with L, I want to understand my vulnerabilities in the situation. I have 2 kids which mean the world to me. I will not jeopardize my ability to provide for them by impoverishing myself for her sake (I may sound harsh, but realistic).

I will definitely be telling her that although I don't want to divorce, if she feels that way I won't stand in her way, but if she wants out, then she will be the one leaving the home.

It is amazing tho, from one day to another, how a person can make a decision not caring about everyone involved. I don't take away her reasons, I know I contributed a lot, but I was giving my best, even when going to MC together.

She is doing great a work, lots of praised, lots of accomplishments, lots of travels, recognitions from others (including men); so she is feeling herself right now. Mentioned how "I am being valued in every other aspect of my life, I started thinking I should deserve that in my relationship." I agree with her, but thought I was doing just that. I support her every move.

Anyway, I appreciate all of your advice guys, this helps me tremendously. I am the type of person, who don't take disrespect for too long, so I go back and forth on cutting off the relationship and taking the lost (I don't really want this.)

Good start, make sure youre not a jerk when you speak with her, acknowledge, validate all while not letting her walk all over you. The wheels will begin to turn and the dynamics will begin to change, brace yourself and don't let your emotions get the best of you, good luck, will be praying for you and your family!

Thank you so much everyone for the support and advice.

So I made it to church felt good to sit and pray. I have been feeling good, though I have to be honest, I spent the weekend at my mom's house. It helped in detaching. Saw W sunday, she had asked me if I can take our S to get his haircut (don't know if I should have declined, and have her take him as she wants to be alone). She decided to spend the time at the barbershop with us, needless to say that makes me uncomfortable because when I see her I think of how much I would love to be with my W.

During mass she sends me a TM asking me if I can possibly pass by the pharmacy to get formula and also a bottle of wine (again, don't know if I should have pushed back on this, and have her handle the errands). Needless to say, I ran the errands and left the formula and wine before leaving again to my mom's house.

Spent some times with my friends later on that day, so that was good, but drank too much. I am concern that I am using alcohol to numb myself more than I should.

I appreciate the advice about staying in the house, I am still thinking things through and your advice definitely help in determining the right approach.

Awesome that you went back to church, keep going, patience and prayer!

Also, first thing you have to understand is to stay off Alcohol for a while.

It will help you get your stuff in order and will prevent you from feeling the urge to do stupid mistakes while intoxicated and the day after, like calling her, texting her, sadness, anger, etc. So stay off of it is my suggestion.

When she asks you about doing things that involves the kids I don't see why you shouldn't after all they are your kids and you're trying to be a better person that is understanding.

Now if she had asked you to just go to the store to just get her a bottle of wine than that's a different story.

Good job at Detaching and staying busy.

Hello everyone,

Have been busy with work and trying to keep myself occupied.

So here is an update. Had a discussion with the W about the fact that if she is the one that wants out, then she should be the one to leave the home. She began crying saying that the hardest part will be leaving the kids she carried for 9 months in her. I told her I understand that, but as much as I respect her decision and choice, I still don't want this, but if she is certain that this is what she wants, then she should leave. I explained that she travels for work a lot and I am with them a majority of the time. She agreed, and said she could be out in one month.

I won't lie and say that I don't feel some sort of way about this. I always felt that the kids should be with their Mom. This is all so hard. I am surprise she agreed to it so quickly but she did mentioned lawyer when I said that if I do sell the apartment, she will get her percentage.

This conversation took a turn to speaking about the relationship and all that I have done in our past. I validated her feelings but told her that I am just trying to do the best for everyone involved. If being happy for her is being out of the M, then she can move out and be happy.

Again, I don't feel all the great about this.

Believe it or not I think this is headed in a good direction.

Stick with your boundaries and be strong and confidant.

You are likely the best parent your children can have right now.

And I think that is very attractive!

That was very brave and honorable of you to get the ball moving, the sooner that happened the sooner she will realize what a mistake she is making.

You seem like an amazing person that recognizes his faults and is doing what is necessary to change.

I know how you feel, we have been there, you didn't want this but it had to happen, just continue to better yourself, each interaction you have with her moving forward she will definitely see a change, keep at it!

And keep praying!

Thank you so much Cadet, ILYNOT

These kind words make me feel so much better about having the courage to say that to her.

I still need to work on detaching and more on GAL, as I keep finding myself worrying about what she is doing and with whom (such a killer)

Today I feel good, like if I finally stood up for myself. I plan on continuing with lovingly detaching.

Lets see how it goes.....

Worrying about what she is doing and with whom is normal right now, try not to think about her anymore, I know its easier said than done, my W even though she has her own place right now, I still hear from my kids that she goes to parties, etc.

Really hard to accept but I must. Live your life to the best of your ability!

ILYNOT,

I am sorry that even though you are physically separated from each other you still hear what she is up to, I would only imagine that it takes strength for you to dismiss the thoughts that come with it.

I am trying my hardest to just detach and let her go. She didn't come home last night, text me that she was staying at her girlfriend's house and that she was going out (this was at 2am). I simply wrote back "Enjoy, and thank you"

Today I feel a bit indifferent to this, and I hope it continues, but we all know that this is a great rollercoaster ride.

I read in your thread that things are looking positive for you, that makes me very happy to read. Keep it up my friend!