Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New here- my story

Hope,

My suggestion for your son is to tell him what you already did, but to also add that no matter what happens, he will be ok. That's more important than the "love" piece. That Daddy and Mommy will make sure that he is ok.

If you have been paying for everything, you need to check in with a lawyer about money issues. I think it's way too early to think about separation or divorce if what you want is to save your marriage, but you definitely have to protect yourself financially for your sake and your son's.

If you go back to Cadet's list, there is a thread on boundaries. Reread that. It sounds like he's cake eating. He wants the best of two worlds.

Did you see the phrase about believing nothing he says? He is so hooked on the addiction of the OW that he can't help lying. You need to put all your focus on yourself.

I will continue to pray for you. You've got this. Just keep taking care of yourself.


E

I am so sorry to read about your situation. My circumstances are different but the same. I have learned quickly this is a good place to come. We are with you, you are not alone.

I am a father and I do have an opinion about your son's visitation at his fathers apartment. What do you know about this women. She could have a record. She could have a mental disorder. She could be an addict. I am not saying she is, not at all but I would damn sure get her back story before you trust her with the most precious person in your life.

I sometimes feel like I am my wife's doormat and thats my choice. Early on her choices could have spilled over onto my son. I did not hesitate to politely and firmly nip that in the bud.

When I was a child our cat had kittens in our garage. It was a nice summer day and we were looking at the kittens with my friend. His German Shepard, a kind mellow old dog wandered into the garage to be with his master. My cat jumped on his back and was clawing his eyes out as the poor dog ran down the block. I am not saying the OW is bad but who knows. The point is your are the guardian of you dear son and must protect him from the broken ilk of the world. I would be careful to who my child is exposed to. You may not have a lot of power over how he treats you. As your son's mother you have incredible legal and historical power. Mommas are supposed to protect their babies. Be well, be strong.

Thank you everyone. This OW is trouble with two DUIs this year, one in January for drugs and alcohol and one in July for alcohol .

Sure mistakes happen, but making the same mistake twice so close together. Also seeing drugs were involved with one of them you can easily assume she does drugs.

I stopped responding and told him to stop talking to me and he kept texting apologizing for what he said

How'd your weekend go, Hope?

Had a sleepover with my son and his best friend and mom friend Friday. Saturday went out for dinner with a friend. Today spent the day in the city since it's been so hot and took my son to the park and an exhibit at the science museum with his best friend. School starts this week so I wanted to make sure he had a great last weekend of summer.

Thank you for asking!

No contact with H either. Though right now I'm pretty happy about it. I'm upset he keeps passively lying. I'm most upset he's not thinking of his child's well being right now which is my #1 priority.

It sounds like a fantastic weekend.

No contact is best right now. You are doing the right thing by watching out for you and your S. Have you read, "The Lighthouse" yet? It's fairly apt for what we're going through.

Keep it up!

E

I haven't, but thank you for mentioning.

I will see him tonight as he will be taking our S tonight since tomorrow is the last day before school starts.

I am going out of town this weekend since my S will be with my H this weekend also. Then I think the weekend I am home I may start packing up some of his things to just clear some space and sort of make myself feel better.

Or I may just take my S on a road trip the next weekend I have him to the Aquarium. I have been wanting to take family getaways for awhile and my H always held us up. I guess now he can't stop us.

Also forgot to add my MIL met me today to change the title of my car into my name alone. She bought it for me as a gift awhile ago. I asked if we could change it so it was mine. She said not an issue and understood my reasoning. I really appreciate how supportive she is. She also said not worry about the car insurance as she will continue to take care of that for now and still continue to pay for our CSA Organic meat and veggies and egg deliveries. I am grateful for all the continued help.

That's a very supportive MIL.

How did seeing your H go? Were you able to keep a PMA?

I say go to the aquarium!!!

It was brief. I didn't really talk to H. My S invited him inside to show him a game and I said that was ok. As H was walking out he said "if you need anything call me." I said "no I'm good"

I am irritated right now. I think mostly learning about the coke habits of his new girlfriend. The fact she hangs out with one of the biggest coke heads in town. It's bizarre. It's not like we live in a ghetto place. We live in very affluent community.