Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers have i been making mistaked too long. part 2

Maybe let go some more, there is nothing wrong with having these feelings and IMHO they are perfectly normal.

Just know that you are not alone and we all did our share of crying.

I suggest not running away from these feeling but facing them head on - the quickest way through them is straight ahead.

Avoidance will just make them come back even worse!

I'm feeling needy and desperate today. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.
What makes one day good and the next bad? It's so confusing. I was feeling good yesterday only to wake up this morning depressed and wanting to talk to my W. It doesn't make sence.why isn't this a fluid pattern where you start to feel better and then each day you continue to feel better.
I hate this so bad I want to scream.

We all cycle, with good days and bad days.
That is part of life.
Sometimes the smallest things can set us off and other times
we can take on a hurricane and be unfazed.

If screaming will make you feel better then it might be worth a try.

Maybe a walk in the woods would help, you can scream and no one will hear.

I'm feeling a strong urge to call my W at work to tell her I love her. Even went as far as dialing the number. What the hell is wrong with me? What can't I follow these rule?

it seems that my life is over. like and elephant sitting on my chest. I cant breathe. The day is getting worse and worse. I cant seem to get myself under control.

She went out with a friend from college last night and gay woman.

I cant help but thinking something happened. I haven't asked her about her night out and I don't plan to. even if something did happen she wouldn't tell me and tbh I don think I would want to know.

YOUR life is NOT over, it may be changing however their is still plenty of good stuff to come.

I can assure you of that.

You are stopping to rubberneck at a car wreck.
My suggestion is to stop looking.
Keep the traffic flowing.

All I can tell you is I know exactly what you are going through. I SO badly feel like calling my W, just to hear her voice. None of this makes sense. She's hurting, I'm hurting, my kids are hurting, and for what? Because she thinks she's in love with a guy she met a few short months ago. For that, she bailed on an 18 year M and left me with our 4 young kids. I miss her so badly sometimes I feel like I can't even breath.

I don't think there is any easy or quick way through the pain. You just keep moving ahead and let time heal the wounds. What I tell myself sometimes, just to help me feel a little better, is that if I get to a point where I've totally given up on the M, then I will reach out to my W and develop a solid friendship. It's what she wants now, and I'm sure she would be open to it. At least then, we could talk, and maybe even hang out once in a while. Of course, by the time I reach that point, I may not want a friendship with her, but it helps me to think it's a possibility. The thought right now of going through the rest of my life this way, barely seeing or speaking to her, is unbearable.

thanks dwh,

I have went through so many emotions today and now im angry. She said she had no respect for me and that she hates me. I have busted my ass for 20 years in career that I didn't want. I was well on my way to a career in music when I met her. We married and I gave up on the career I wanted so that we could start a family. I began pushing a wheel barrow and worked my way up to senior quality control manager on a nuclear power plant making more money than I ever thought I would. No respect, That's complete BS. I work my ass off to send our kids to the most prestigious private school in the area. She works for her brother at the front desk of his doctors office.

She says shes not happy. She has always done whatever she wanted and I always provided for my family.

Sorry, Im just pissed right now

ok now im really venting.

She comes home every night drinks and smokes pot until she goes to bed. This has been going on for years. I have repeatedly asked her to stop and she has always ignored me. Her father died at 48 years old from liver damage. She doesn't even acknowledge that she may have a problem. Now im desperately fighting for an already messed up marriage. I don't know why I even care.

Wow man. Your W is sounding more like mine all the time. Except mine doesn't say she hates me, at least not to my face. She's all about trying to be BFFs, but I think that's to help her guilt, plus use it to get favors out of me.

My WW also started up with the drinking and pot smoking a few years ago. Had never been into her whole life but somewhere around late 30s she became a party girl. Started spending more and more time away from home, and I let her, because I was trying to let her work it out of her system. Like most people, I went through my party phase in my 20s during college, but my W was young when we started dating and never got to experience it. So I figured I would give her some freedom, let her experience it for a year or two, and it would pass. Oh, how wrong I was. I should have laid down the law and forced a decision a long time ago, and probably could have prevented this whole issue. 20-20 hindsight.

Also, like you, I've been the sole bread winner for most of our time together. I was fine with it, as she was a very good mother, and while we had young kids, it seemed appropriate. But after our youngest turned 3, and she wasn't really needed as a mom 24-7 anymore, that's when she started to change. As much as I kept asking her to get a job, there was always some excuse. And in the mean time, she was living it up on my dime. I get so mad thinking about it. All I can say is that, in my case at least, that is an area where I have some control.

My W finally get a job late last year, but only part time min wage. After she left, I had been giving her money to help pay the bills, but then realized that I was a fool, and enabling her. I've since cut off all financial help, and know that she is having a very hard time making ends meet. The OM only makes $10/hour so between them, I'm not sure how they are getting by paying rent, utilities, etc. She certainly isn't living up the party lifestyle anymore. Can't even afford to feed the kids when they come to visit; I have to give them dinner first. Consequences. Your W will have them too, and I suggest you enforce them wherever possible. Make her feel what it's going to be like w/o you in her life.