Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Walkaway wife

Since there is little face to face contact, just 3 times since she moved out on July 5th, I spend so much time dissecting each and every word of every email. They've gotten friendlier, only because of my 180. Have good days, have bad days.

From the very beginning, with all the "I love you but..." and "we'll still be friends" statements, it has always seemed like she has wanted me to move on. Go travel, go to the concerts I had scheduled, go do this, go do that. Now that I am coming out of the fog and working on GAL, it seems like GAL is what she wanted, and will allow her to walk away easier. Is this common? WAW/MLC guilt? Continue to be patient and ride the storm?

She's coming this weekend to pick up some kitchen items for her furnished corporate apt. I said I'd vacate when she wanted to come by.

After a few good days, today's one of those not so good ones. Sticking to the 180/LRT/GAL mantra, being patient, and reading DB/DR along with all the great Sandi posts, but my confidence wavers often.

There are days, or moments when I look around and think about how it all went down, and think I don't want to be married to this. I can't believe how I have been deceived and betrayed. Is that normal? Because there are times when I am ready to just let it go and move on.

Not sure if it normal but is feel the same way. So if it is not normal at least two of are abnormal together.

Another restless night of sleep. It seems as if the OTC sleep aids are only good for about 4-5 hours of sleep then I am wide awake, heart racing. I hope this weekend can provide some sleep.

Any insight on guilt???

Now that I am coming out of the fog and working on GAL, it seems like GAL is what she wanted, and will allow her to walk away easier. Is this common? WAW/MLC guilt? Continue to be patient and ride the storm?

Found this awesome bit of info here about MLC. Gosh, so much of it is true in my case.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177869

Of course she feels guilty for tearing your family apart. She wants you to be happy so that she doesnt feel that. But, she ALSO wants you to be unhappy so that she knows she was important to you.

So, you see, theres no "winning".

Thats why you worry about you, and you stop caring about how she might interpret your actions.

Thanks for that! Touch and go every day it seems. Still reading snippets of DB and a few other books, holding out hope.

The worst part is my guilt. Grrrrrr... Reliving every stupid thing I did or didn't do over the last 6 months, year, 20 years. Sure, I probably wasn't as attentive as I should have been, and didn't tell her all those great things everyone likes to hear, but I felt the same way. The only thing that consoles me is that I didn't run away. Forgiving myself my part in this mess is vital.

Think of all that past stuff just as if you are driving on a freeway. You were just drving along, spacing out .. neglectful and you missed your exit. There is that impulse to slam the brakes but you know better, all you can do is safely merge over to the right ... and get off on the nearest exit ... mentally label this as DB Ave. Your GPS will re-route .. you will still get there, but you have to trust the GPS now as you are in an unfamiliar neighborhood.