Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers LBS trying to get it right

I hear what you say fogg and you are not wrong I do have to prove the changes to myself and right now she is done and she tells me that there is no coming back

So some would say move on and I am detaching not as quickly as I would like but I am meeting with new people and starting to GAL

I guess when she decides on separate houses this will be the time that I give up any further hope I don't know I guess I will cross this bridge when I get there.

Until I get there all I can do is better myself start to detach ...try to detach some more and GAL

Ghost -
NOBODY is saying to "move on". I believe you've used that phrase several times. Not a single other person is giving you that advice. If you want to stay married to your W, how does "moving on" help you?

What we ARE saying is to detach. This is NOT THE SAME as moving on. This doesn't mean to ignore her and start something new (as I can imagine "moving on" would entail). This means to unravel your emotional well being, your method of finding happiness, your reason for doing things from your relationship with HER and HER feelings and HER reactions. That is HEALTHY.

Yep, moving on and moving forward are two completely different things. You want to move forward with your life, improve what YOU can control.

Even the term moving on isn't a good example. Starting a new relationship wouldn't be moving anywhere, it would be putting a huge temporary band-aid over your wounds and ignoring them and the growth as a person you could have.

GAL is key for that. I have my own opinions on in house separation that I'm facing right now. All Ill say right now is that its [censored] hard and will test you, but you grow very quickly also as a result(if you let yourself).

Azzork Moving on does not help whatsoever

Can you explain your last post a little more unravel your emotional well being so stop feeling love towards her ?

Fogg....when you say you grow really quickly ....what do you mean sorry nearly 2 am and still awake

I will use the analogy of moving forward rather than moving on

Quick thoughts please and I am not trying to peruse the W
She went out clubbing tonight I want to make sure she gets in safely so I am waiting up and watching TV .....

I guess,when we were M I would have done the same thing had she gone out ....am I crazy ....stupid .....or just wrong to want to wait up ?

There is tons of great info on the Detachment thread in the homework. I'd read all that again.

But I do NOT mean to stop feeling love toward her.

What I mean is you have to not let your sense of worth, your level of happiness, your wellbeing rely on HER. For example: if you make her dinner and she stops at the pub on the way home from somewhere, you need to learn to shrug it off. You can't expect reactions and feelings from her anymore to make you feel good. Likewise, you can't let her actions and reactions and emotions make you feel badly. Your goal is to stay as even keeled as possible.

That does NOT mean to give up on your M or to stop loving your W.

Make sense?

Yes thank you will read the detachment thread again

Go to bed. It will come across as you wanting to see her. If you're worried about her safety, go read a book in bed.

But IMO, she's s big girl. It's 2 AM. Go to bed.

I was just going to wait till she walked in through the door and say good night and take my self up stairs not engage in any further conversation ...... But bed sounds like a better choice at this time,