I don't see any point in sending that note. It sounds needy, clingy, and defensive. Plus, as you said, they are going to take her side anyway. And honestly, if they were to take your "side", it would just push her away from them. Lastly, I'm sure she won't be thrilled about you going around her to her family to discuss your personal matters.
so you think I should just cut off communication with her family completely? these are people I spent 30 years with. She has said she hopes she can still have some kind of relationship with my family. I would hope to do the same with hers. I realize they are going to take her side anyway, but I think if they hear from me they will at least know where I stand and be keeping that in mind as she speaks with them.
I didn't say that. I said don't send THIS note. Talk to them all you want, but there's no benefit to you in bringing up your relationship status with them.
I didn't say that. I said don't send THIS note. Talk to them all you want, but there's no benefit to you in bringing up your relationship status with them.
Oh, OK. thanks I will write them a note just to be in touch and remind them i'm a nice guy and I won't mention HOW MUCH I LOVE HER
Reading your posts... Seems like you are only gong to pick and choose what you want to hear and apply it to what you want to do , I've seen others do this then only after they've created a complete mess do they really start to become humble and admit they need help.
I would suggest a number of things, but I do know when there are times you just have to allow a person to fall all on their own
I wish you the best with your approach, I do not believe this will do anything more than make your W run faster and harder
My tuppence worth? No note. Step back and leave it be. It'll do no good at all to send that note. Let it go.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I could use some help on how to respond to some of W's requests.
I realize I'm supposed to give her the space she is asking for, but I'm not supposed to be an enabler. Like I'm not supposed to be the one to move out and find a new place.
For example, she made up this plan, that we should refinance the house which would lower the payments, and as a part of that she would take her name off the deed/mortgage, so then it is only my house. and as a part of that I would have to give her $cash$ for half of the equity of the house. this would be nearly all the money I have left (after she insisted on splitting our savings into 2 bank accounts a couple weeks ago).
I feel like, why should I be the one to call the mortgage company and ask all these questions and organize a refinance? I don't want any of this to be happening. If I do all that, aren't I enabling it.... But on the other hand, I feel like if I don't go along to some extent, she will just do things her way.
I did speak to a lawyer, and she said it is jumping the gun to refinance now and get her name off the house. she hasn't even filed for divorce yet. She said W should find an apartment and leave everything else the way it is. When we get further down the road we will be discussing how things will get split up and a judge will have to approve our decisions.
I don't even want to tell her I went to a lawyer, though. I think that will start drawing a line between us. I think if we start bickering about this and that my chances of reconciliation go down the tubes.
I could use some help on how to respond to some of W's requests.
I realize I'm supposed to give her the space she is asking for, but I'm not supposed to be an enabler. Like I'm not supposed to be the one to move out and find a new place.
For example, she made up this plan, that we should refinance the house which would lower the payments, and as a part of that she would take her name off the deed/mortgage, so then it is only my house. and as a part of that I would have to give her $cash$ for half of the equity of the house. this would be nearly all the money I have left (after she insisted on splitting our savings into 2 bank accounts a couple weeks ago).
I feel like, why should I be the one to call the mortgage company and ask all these questions and organize a refinance? I don't want any of this to be happening. If I do all that, aren't I enabling it.... But on the other hand, I feel like if I don't go along to some extent, she will just do things her way.
I did speak to a lawyer, and she said it is jumping the gun to refinance now and get her name off the house. she hasn't even filed for divorce yet. She said W should find an apartment and leave everything else the way it is. When we get further down the road we will be discussing how things will get split up and a judge will have to approve our decisions.
I don't even want to tell her I went to a lawyer, though. I think that will start drawing a line between us. I think if we start bickering about this and that my chances of reconciliation go down the tubes.
any advice on this?
My advice ... you can not DB half-a$$ .... You may want to read your post again. Looks to me like your W is getting all her duckies in a row for the big time eject pull while you are just going along for the ride.
That line you are worried about... has already been drawn by your wife.... with a big fat sharpie
I agree with your L ... your W should be the one who moves out and once the D is filed then you can decide which direction to take. Its good you did actually get the L, you have to protect yourself here.
Still no posting in other threads and not reading up Cali's situation as your homework assignment, Gabs.
You are too isolated by staying on your thread all by your lonesome self. Get up and go outside of your tiki hut to visit other people's tiki huts. You'll learn an ENORMOUS amount by reading Cali's threads and visiting other threads in the Newcomers forum.
