Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not Confused Anymore 2!!!

I am always here. Sometimes I just like to read other peoples threads. Sandi, the more I thoughts I have about my sitch and the more things I go through really make me realize what a great person you are. You were on the other side of all this and came out. We are so lucky to have you on this board and THANK YOU for sticking around to help others.

I have to share with you guys just how much I have grown. I have learned restraint. I have also learned sometimes it is best to just do nothing and keep certain things as a thought ONLY!

Example: I was packing STBXW things up last night that she forgot. As I was putting things into boxes, I thought that it would be so awesome to stash a bag of all the dog crap in the yard in the bottom of one of the boxes. I am sure the 10 hour trip back to CA would be very interesting in 94 degree heat. Not to mention when she starts digging through the box of her things. BUT I will restrain myself!! See I am learning!!

Hi Joe,

I wanted to say “Hello!” and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Now you got it -- keep up the great work.

Bob

This x 1,000,000

Thanks Bob!! I am so happy with how well you are doing also. YOU my friend got this!! YOU are SUPER BOB!!!:)

I got the kids home!! We had a good time going through Yellowstone. I would have loved to spend more time when it is less crowded.

The kids did better than I expected when we left. D12 gave her mom a hug and loaded up in the truck. S7 was a little more emotional. STBXW acted as if she was ready for them to go home.

S7 had lots of questions for me. He is so confused. He doesn't understand why his mom can't live with us for a month and than live in CA for a month. He doesn't understand OM and his daughter living with his mom. He doesn't understand why his mom doesn't want to live with us anymore. I basically told him that mom was not happy living with me anymore. I told him that she loves him and his sister very much. I told him that I love him with all my heart and I will always be here for him. I am going to take him to see the therapist that is seeing D12. She is good with kids. She told me that it might be easier to explain some of these things together. She will have a different way of explaining it and also is a witness that I am not bashing their mother.

I was correct, D12 stayed in her room the whole time. Instead of bunkbeds, there was a air mattress for her, mattress for OM daughter and S7 had to sleep on the floor. All in the same room. No trip to Disneyland, no trip to Sea World, no trip to the beach, no horses were bought for them, no game system and they spent one day with their grandparents. They did not even get to see them before they left. S7 was not given his inhaler every night like he was supposed to. D12 did not get her sinus rinse at night and was given 5mg of melatonin instead of the doctor recommended dose of 1/2mg or 1mg. If you can't tell, I am venting!!

I am doing ok. I am hurting for my children. I did talk to D12 some last night also. She told me the reason she changed her mind about coming home early was because she just started to accept it. She accepted the fact that this is going to be how it is now. I don't know if that was her talking or STBXW telling her that. I am worried for her. I see her trying to ignore the hurt and anger. I am taking everyone's advice and just being the best Dad I can be for my kids. I will be here for them. I am not bringing AP into our family. I will not lie to them and I will love and support them the very best I can.

Good job! You are a great dad! keep it up!

I feel your pain Bob. How sad when a mother abandons her children and, seemingly overnight, forgets how to properly care for them, or worse yet, doesn't seem to want to. Your WW sounds like she's still in the thick of the fog, and letting OM rule her thoughts. Mine is similar, and I have pretty much taken over all aspects of child care for all 4 of my boys, including 2 that are special needs. I do all the laundry, medications, doctor visits, baths, and 90% of the cooking. WW has them over to her place 3x a week to have dinner, and that's it. It's the polar opposite of how she has been her entire life. Sort of like she snapped one day and decided it was time to be a party girl, take care of herself. Screw the rest of the world. Even my W's own sisters and father are happy that the kids are with me instead of her. Such a sad situation.

Great job on stepping up and being a fantastic father. Your kids are lucky to have you.

Joe,

Frankly I am relieved to read it. It's blah but it's non drama blah, no rows or manipulations in there. No sleaze stuff, just simple leave them alone.

D12 is a very grounded child, acceptance is best, whilst she is there it's blah. Boring, boring blah, blah. All you can do is Listen validate and hugs, loads and loads and loads, plus interesting stuff to do and also a little bit of blah!

Little S seems much more confused even though he is younger, you may need to check in and listen loads when he needs it and of course the mandatory hugs. Dads have two ears and one mouth, used in the correct ratio. I wouldn't leave it Joe, start off with pictures of Yellowstone and ask what his favourite things are then lead gently into his feelings about the trip. Validate, validate and hugs. Be still with him and do a quiet activity, art perhaps. Then think if the children visit WW again can you build an activity pack for S to take so he can enjoy his own company. That's being prepared for blah.

V

Thank you V. I am paying some extra attention to S7 but not too much that D12 feels left out. She is entering 7th grade. Her focus is school and school activities and most important, her friends. WW has always had more focus on S7. Spoils him. Now with him not understanding what she is doing, WW is able to bribe and manipulate him. This is why it was easy for her to have OM there and OM's daughter. OM daughter and my son played together and WW was living in her fairy tale world!! I can see the struggles in all my kids. But I am seeing the younger ones every day. They talk to me different. But I am hoping the bond I have with them will help us through. S7 and I will always have that father son bond. No OM can take that from me! D12 knows she is daddy's girl! She will tolerate certain things from WW, but knows this is the safe, stable environment.

I had lawyer change separation to divorce. I also had him put in there for her to pay child support. I changed some of the visitation so it is in state unless she can prove that she is not conducting phone sex while my children are with her. If she can prove she is not doing that work, than she can have visitation in CA. But I changed some things so I get my time in the summer also.

I felt a bit guilty changing to divorce. I felt bad for my kids. I look at them sometimes and want to break down and cry for them. I know the pain they are going through. I hope one day they will understand why I did what I did. I WILL NOT share my wife with OM. He can have her! The past 2 weeks, things were starting to click about this whole situation. She has been involved with this guy for along time. I have read on here where some people feel sympathy for their spouse because they are in this affair "fog". I feel no sympathy for her. I have read where lots of spouses went out to seek help before things got to far. They made a choice to not do the wrong thing. There is talk about how lost these wayward spouses are. My STBXW is VERY lost! There is NO road back home.

I keep getting texts from STBXW about keeping her informed on the school calendar so she can come up on the long weekends and be with the kids. I don't care if she wants to come up. She is a big girl. She can look on the school website and read the calendar. So I just ignore the texts. She may not like being up here now that she is exposed as a adultress. That is what happens when you bring your 12 year old daughter out there to stay with you and your affair partner. She tells her friends, who tell their parents who tell their friends. Small towns!! Gotta love em!! Another lady here did the same thing and destroyed her 3 sons lives. She was completely ignored by everyone at a track meet when she showed up. Also was fired from her job and so was the guy she was sleeping with. In my case, I have had alot of support from the people in the community. They feel terrible for all the kids. They have watched all the older ones grow up and are now watching these younger ones.

Well that is my post for today. That has been building up for the past couple days.