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So sorry to hear about your burn. How painful!!

"Hopefully this will make her think".

It won't. She may be kinder for a few days, but it is not going to be what opens her eyes. It just doesn't work that way. By connecting her to every thing that happens and hoping it will influence her decisions, you set yourself up for more disappointment.

True

Just before BD, I sliced my finger open on a blind I was putting up. My W asked 'is everything OK', my reply was 'I think I can put a plaster on it' to which she said 'not you, the blind'.

The caring has gone. Odd incidents won't bring it back overnight. Calm down and keep going.

She got mad because my 27d got to the hospital first and they asked for an emergency contact number. My daughter used her name. After surgery the nurse asked if I wanted to keep 27d as contact person. I said that I wanted to add my wife. Wife says no it ok to leave it the way it is. After getting home my wife text me and said You and 27d knew I was coming to the hospital. Would it have been such a problem to add my name to the emergency contact list. She also made a comment that daughter was taking over. it was almost as if she was jealous of our daughter. I told her that I was in the bathroom when they asked for a emergency contact person and our daughter used her name because she was the only family there at the time. I told her that once they told me I tried to include her name and I did not purposefully try to exclude her.

You cannot live in a continued state of self defence. It only makes her worse. A confident man would not feel he had to explain himself. A hen pecked H does, and to her it looks the same as weakness. Many men are just trying to keep things calm and keep her from blowing a fuse. Does not work with a WW or WAW. You cannot respond the way you are in a habit of doing. She has changed and you have to change how you deal with tbese tbings.

i have a lot to learn. Yesterday I was released from the hospital. I had told her that I would get my mother to come get me because she had already missed too much work. She said, "I don't want anyone saying that I wasnt at the hospital or that I wouldn't come get you. I know d27 will have something to say. She text me first thing the morning I was to be released and asked if my mom had left to come get me. I told her she was getting her car checked out and then leaving. The hospital was over 2 hours away. She said, I can come get you. I told her I knew that she could but my mom and a friend were gonna come get me. She said, If your mom's car isnt safe I will get you. I told her I will let you know. I decided to let her come get me since she seemed to want to do it. Once at the hospital she was talkative to me which is something she hasnt done in a while. She was very attentive to the nurses who explained my care once I got home. She did back away a little after we left but we are talking which we were not doing before. She does understand that I am prepared to move on without her.

Well my wife is back to giving me the silent treatment. She told me last night that somebody told her that I stood up in front of the church and asked for prayers for my family and marriage. I did not do that. It confuses me because she wanted to be the emergency contact person and was upset that my daughter used her name as the emergency contact. Also was mad that my daughter was talking to the doctor and my mother talked over her to a volunteer that was trying to locate my after surgery. It was almost like she wanted the responsiblity of being my wife. She was obviously jealous of my d27. Now that I am home she is back to her silent treatment. She tried to start a fight about the church because My pastor had sent her an email telling her God was not bless was she was doing. When she responded to him he told her that he was there to help anyway he could but his fear is that by the time she is willing to work on the marriage I will no longer have the desire. He told her I know you think he will always be there waiting for you to work on the marriage but I promise you this is faulty thinking.

Since I got out of the hospital my wife has been giving me the cold shoulder. Sandi was right. She is now going into my 17d bedroom and watching tv. my daughter is out with friends. This can not go on forever. She will be going to Pennsylvania on Friday for her mother's birthday. I am sure she will probably see her EA. I part of me wants her to stay in Pennsylvania. I feel that she isn't gonna change until she goes to her prince charming and finds out that he is a frog. I don't want a divorce and I don't want her to leave but I have been thinking about telling her that a part of me wishes she would stay in Pennsylvania. So what do the vets think about this. Please give me some advice.

Hi Mavrik,

I'm really sorry you have to be here, but this is the right place for great advice and emotional support. When you have time to read other people's situations (I started posting on Christmas Day last year) I think most, if not all of us, did many wrong things at first. But, it sounds to me like you still have time on your side so don't beat yourself up over it.

Those that know me on this forum would probably write that I felt just like you do now. Nine months later, I am still DBing. So, will this be easy? No. But if you feel your M is worth fighting for, never give up! Try to GAL and keep a positive attitude. It has helped me SO much. You CAN do this.

Your new DB friend,

Bob

What do you to get a life? Does you wife still live in the house with you? This is sooooo hard. I do want to fight for my marriage. I do believe that she is just so screwed up from the loss of her father and menopause that she will come back. We had a great marriage but she has destroyed it. I just don't know how much time I have left. I saw a fb private message that she was talking to him saying I come with 2 daughters that aren't always very nice. She is thinking about leaving I just don't know when or if it is a go or not.

Mavrik,

My W walked out on me in October and filed for D the next day. She is living 3 1/2 hours away with her Mom/Stepdad. I have seen her 1 time since then -- in court and she acted like I did not exist.

Great question about GAL activites. First, I joined a Divorce Support Group. That helped very much. I started going thru the "course" a second time but realized I wasn't getting too much out of it any more. I started getting such great advice from this wonderful family here, I stopped going. But, I recommend trying one. There should be one at a church near you. The group I went to was open to all.

Another thing I did was join several Meetup Groups. You can look them up online and there are some all over the world. Little by little (fake it until you make it) I pushed myself to sign up for events the groups plan. Now, I have made many, many new friends and it has helped give me such a good feeling about myself. I'm so busy it helps keep me from obsessing about my situation.

If there are no Meetup groups near you, do you have any hobbies? Ice skating (my favorite), friends you can hang out with, bowling, bike riding, hiking, etc. You get the idea. When you joined, Cadet posted helpful links and advice. Maybe the best of all is to GAL.

I did it...I bet you can, too.

Good luck.

Bob