Cali is giving you some solid advice. If you dont have a lawyer please get one. I understand that you dont want a legal separation as you think it will hurt your chances for reconciling.
My ex of 26 years tried burrying me financially. They change to someone you never knew they could be. She spent all of her money and time on the Equine world.
Fortunately she is very secretive about her money and we always had separate finances. Her wishes.
Dont ask her to do anything. If you planned already to do things you can say that something came up and you will not make it.
Stop asking to do anything.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
weird thing happened yesterday, I received an unexpected call late at night, I asked if everything was alright and she said yeah, she really just called to talk to me or check up on me, I guess either way is good.
I would definitely stop pursuing at this time. It will just add more pressure on her. This was a hard thing for me to stop doing with my H but it really did make a difference. It gave me time to clear my head and he did start reaching out to me. Don't reply back right away and don't answer every call for a little while. Take this gift of time to breathe and concentrate on yourself. It is very HARD but you can do it and you will feel so much better. Good luck!
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
weird thing happened yesterday, I received an unexpected call late at night, I asked if everything was alright and she said yeah, she really just called to talk to me or check up on me, I guess either way is good.
Its not actually a 'good' thing .... she is temp checking you here. Mine was the queen of this and took me MONTHS to figure this out and take it for what it was .... the WAS wants you to be right where they left you as they go on about their new life .. when they start thinking about things they will temp check you to make sure you are still option #2 (I know it stings but this is typically what happens)
I received this advice, you can be kind but do not be to available for her, do not pursue ... if she still feels you are sitting on the porch waiting for her to come home there are no consequences for her actions and she will not change nor stop them. This is where the term Lovingly Detach comes into play ... you need to GAL and go on about your life for now as if she passed away. When there is contact .. PMA up and make sure you ALWAYS end the conversation as if you can not wait to get on about your day as its the most exciting thing going.
WOW makes total sense, I have been hanging up first for a while now, but I do answer the phone since we have children together and I worry somethings wrong. I find her use of "words" is very odd, almost like a teenager. Maybe shes talking to other people and its rubbing off on her, idk.
Update, she dropped off the kids early since she is going on a business trip and wont be back until Monday. got a text hoping I have a good day... this is so fing confusing. its like no texts for days then hope you have a good day.. like wth...
Oh well, I will be with my kids and watch movies, play board games, and take em out to eat!
Well since Friday no texts, no calls, no contact... was out busy with my kids, movies, parents house, going out to eat, took them both jogging, it was a nice weekend.
Although I couldn't get her out of my mind, I get mentally drained sometimes just thinking why... but kept PMA
I will need to read your story, but wanted you to know I saw you and I will get back.