Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers seperated 4 months, its now 9 months, oh and om

Thanks V,

The love I have for my daughter has been amazing to me, and as bad as these last 9 months have been, it has made me a better father. I do know that my d loves me very much. My w has always loved me, and I realize that she still does, and I still love her, I just have to show it differently now like standing for my m.
You said if your afraid to show the love that takes strategy. One thing I said to my w at the beginning of the separation was just that, I was afraid, but I didn't know why. I told her that there were times she would be getting dressed for work and I would be lying in bed watching her, and I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but I couldn't. I had no problem doing the opposite, being critical.
I have been feeling better these last few days as if I am actually getting somewhere good. I do have a lot of love, its just such a big boulder blocking it, but with help from people like you it will be moved.

Hi Help, some good introspection here. And sorry if you already answered this question - I haven't read further back.

What's the boulder my friend?

Hi Toots

The boulder is how I think about deserving love, and I need to change that thinking because it is clearly wrong.

Help,

Thoughts are just thoughts, instead of 'wrong' could you reframe as 'not useful' or 'a boulder'?

They just are and they can be changed. Every human is capable of love and being loved, your D adores you and you back to her.

Oh I see that Boulder begin to slide down the slope.............

I hear Help say I am loved and I love: and I really like it. He believes it and smiles.

V

Hi V,

Hope you day was good.

I do believe I am loved and I love, I will think and believe because it is true. Yesterday when I went into work, I started counting all the people that said hello to me, wished me well, or just smiled, and it was so many, I lost count.
I have always been shy, and I never liked that about myself, but I do find myself less shy each day. It's funny even here on this forum I don't post much to other threads partly because I am unsure about if I am helping and partly because of my shyness, even though it's anonymous.
And you made me smile with your post.

Help

I learned a great deal from posting on others threads. For newbies, it's often enough just to say. I know how you feel. Or I can see you having a bad day today. In the early days here it a great relief when simple posts appear and acknowledge you exist and that you are in pain.

Or just simply Hugs or Peace today or thank you for posting on my thread or even you got a new job congrats or how did your xyz go?

Eventually a newbie will be here and it will resonate with you so you have wise words. If you would like to look at RD or Bobs posts you will see what I mean about beautiful supportive posts.

Give it a go, I think it would be a 180 for you. Add qualifiers to your words such as I think or just my 2c worth or unsure or Wonka is your best guide. Wonka is always a best guide. You can even say 'there is a detachment thread.' Or point to a resource. Others decisions are theirs to make and if you are incomplete usually someone will chip in or present an alternative. It can be about the gift on insight but often it's the gift of support.

You are always welcome to say Hi on my thread. There are times I want a presence here but not to post on my thread so I don't but others know I am about and all is well. I am not silent.

You will also find that you build a 'tribe' those who have posted to you are interested in you and your sitch already and some are here for the long term others the short. It's a little like school those who arrive at the same period develop with you, older kids help you a long. Suddenly before you know you are the third grader.

For me Edz, Jim, Toots RD were in my class. RD and Dawn were the big kids and the wonderful Greengrass and Sunny and Maybell were the very big kids. So it is.

But posting to others, (occasional foot in mouth and accidentally sex change of posters) has grown me as a person plus much of my thoughts are developed off board and that too adds to my toolkit.

WhyUs you have a great deal to offer to pay it forward.

I am smiling because you smiled.

V

Hi Help

Come and hang with me and u-turn. We are both introverts and found some commonalities in each other's sitchs, more about how we think and feel about ourselves, but also how we connect with people. I have made similar statements about commenting on others posts, not feeling like I had anything to offer. I remember Zues used to bump my threads for me, just to make sure I felt like I belonged and would keep posting. What a lovely man. Lady V gives solid useable advice, and she gives it with the most generous and kindest of hearts. Run with what she offers about this.

Pop by my thread any time, and pop by U-turns too, we have tea and cheeeeeesecake over there. You are more than welcome.


Jelly xxx

Hi V,

Hope you are well.

I have read a lot of peoples sitches and I will post some more, I have been meditating, and I do use that as a way to send good wishes for people here.
I think I found a 180 for myself that scares me and will probably suprise my waw, although I am not doing it for her. I signed up today for an acting class, it doesnt start until September, but I am excited about it. I always wanted to be on stage, either as an actor or musician, and it will happen before the year ends.
I am learning guitar and actually wrote a few songs, a musician friend of mine said they were good, but I am not technically good enough to play them outside of my cave yet. I wrote a song for my daughter, its about always being there for her. I played it for her yesterday, I almost didnt, it was hard for me because it was very emotional for me. After I played it, she went to bed, but 10 minutes later got up to tell me the song was stuck in her head, and that she was so lucky to have such an awesome dad. Ten months ago I would have been in my cave, drunk, watching tv, and would have missed out on that.

I am just bursting with love and am so proud for you.

V

Hey there help
I just wanted to let you know that I am a lot like you - GAL is tough for me because of my introverted tendencies, and dare I say shyness. I do know that a smile inspires a smile - a hello inspires a hello back - that's the start.

I do hold back on my posts here for the same reasons, lack of confidence that I can actually help someone, when I need so much help. But just wanted to let you know there are a lot of great people here that are in your corner. It will catch up - keep posting.

I actually haven't looked into your story much yet, but will and will get back to you.

take care.