That makes so much sense, thank you for putting things in perspective Cadet. Will peruse the MLC forum to see if there are any tips or similar scenarios to learn from.
Wow, this BB is an awesome place!
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Hi B. Just my pennies worth but if she hasnt got a deep bond with you after 20 odd years then 18 months with a guy 2 decades ago certainly isn't going to be any stronger
I am currently being dark but there is communication coming from the W regarding finances.
Up until the BD everything was in joint names but since then we've both got separate current and savings accounts into which our joint savings were split evenly.
We both resigned from our jobs (for different reasons) such that our incomes both cease around the end of August and she has been steadily reducing our outgoings so that income we have from investments will pay the standard monthly commitments out of the joint account but lifestyle including food to come out of our now personal stashes.
Should I just play along with the direction she is heading or become more controlling over the money coming in? Like should I transfer my remaining salary amounts into my personal account the minute it arrives (I could do the same with the investment income too, if I choose to) and say that she has to tell me how much I need to transfer into the joint account to cover the bills? It all seems a bit petty but I feel like she is calling the shots and I have to jump, but maybe I am being overly sensitive and should simply leave her to do the donkey work (and not making it any more challenging) in the joint account area and simply focus on my own pot?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
As the savings we had are now split into our own persoanl accounts whether I am funding the OM is unknown and cannot be determined.
I guess what I was trying to say was whether I should let her lead with the organisation of our joint finances until they are separated in time, or should I take control and make her work a bit more.
When it comes down to it I guess it's best to look inside a decide what I want to do and do it, not try to second guess how she might react. It's hard though as I have always been afraid of confrontation and disputes (part of the problem with the M) and so am concerned that I'll take the easy route rather than the right one.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I guess I am holding onto this point too much as it's the only form of contact.
My D has said that my W is working hard not to give me any hope in any of her contact, so this thin thread is what I am clinging to and need to let it go. I won't be any worse off, better off regardless of how the money is managed but I can't help thinking doing something in this area will stir her up, which is wrong, right?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Does anybody have any comment or am I not expressing myself clearly enough? I'm keen to get the right tone and approach that's appropriate for this BB but only have experience of those in the UK, that seems to be subtly different.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I'm keen to get the right tone and approach that's appropriate for this BB but only have experience of those in the UK, that seems to be subtly different.
I dont think their is any tone or approach that is going to be appropriate.
Cadet, there's a limey here struggling to translate what you mean, sorry I'm not that clued up at times.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Still no closer to understanding whether the "first love" thing has any bearing. There are articles dotted around the net saying it creates a special bond that is to be concerned by as it's very strong. Having said that as no one has directly responded yet on the question gives me hope that it's nothing to be feared or overly concerned by.
Even if there were some truth to the "special bond" theory, it doesn't mean that bond is never broken. People can fantasize about a former lover and wonder about all the "what ifs". Some actually go too far into that fantasy and have to see reality for themselves. That is what your WW will have to experience. Things are quite different now from when they were younger and dating. If there's one thing that will draw out true colors in a person, it's life. Doesn't sound as if he has a good track record. In time, she will start seeing what his other W's saw.
I am hesitant to advise anyone on financial matters, other than tell you to protect yourself. Get legal advice. Don't trust a WW to do the right thing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
