me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
I am still there. I have had a hard time following the rules and detaching. It has only made me things a lot worse. I am still very much depressed and having a hard time getting it together. I dont think I love her anymore but still having a very hard time forgiving myself for all the mistakes I have made that made her lose interest in me. I really mean nothing more to her then being the father of her children (her own words). I am pretty sure she is with a new man now but she does not tell me. Probably because she knows how hurt I am. I know I placed so much of my happiness in the relationship and she knows that too. Ironically that is probably what ment the downfall of the relationship. I did not GAL when in the R and lost myself completely. I really, really messed it up. My intentions where good but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. She knows and understand everything but still wants nothing to do with me. I need to accept my life as it is and move on. I need to accept I will never be able to give my kids the upbringing I wanted. She has absolutely no respect for me. And I have no selfrespect back after being such a desperate idiot. I dont think I could have handled this any worse. You would not believe the desperate things I have written to her. I was inches away to suggest her an open relationship just so that I could be a father full time again.
Is there hope after being an idiot for almost a year trying to reason with her? She must have loved me at some point.
What I have done though is get a new job. Buy an apartement for me and the kids. Started a bit of soccer again. Other than that I have been miserable and depressed.
I know what you mean. Separated for 4 months and divorce is proceeding even if I don't want it to. Trying to detach.. but it is hard, emotions go all over the place. I am working 2 going on 3 jobs. I don't know how she will see the improved me if we don't see each other at all.
