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Thank you Sandi2 for the reassurance regarding their bond. She has said that regardless of whether it works out with him or not that she isn't coming back but I am applying the believe nothing you hear approach to that.

She is being very remote and as mentioned has clearly stated that she doesn't want to give me any hope by her actions so is keeping things focussed on the financial side of things, is this typical for a WW?

A couple thoughts -

I agree with Sandi as far as protecting you. Nobody here is going to be able to really give financial or legal advice. But what we can say is not to give her too much trust.

As for the no hope thing, who cares what she says? I'm sure that when you got married, she didn't plan on this. Who says it can't go the other way? Either way, it doesn't really matter now, right? It's not like she's coming in the door today to reconcile. So focus inward instead.

I said to get duct tape hopefully you know what that is.

The point of that was you tape the duct tape over your mouth and then you won't be able to say too much, hope that is clearer.

I have no experience with this, but I think what you need to do to protect yourself and your sanity and any chance of reconciliation is the same whether the OM is a "first love" or some guy she just met. It really doesn't matter. I am sorry you are here, but glad you found us. Hang in there and do something good for yourself today.

I think he was asking if his tone was appropriate or confusing for how he was posting.

I find that you more you posts, the more other people post here. There's no need to duct tape about your posting here!

Matt777 - by focus inward you mean think about what I want not what she's doing or will do, right?

Cadet - I thought that zip it was what your meant, thank you for clarifying.

Photka - thank you for your kind words, everyday someone new pops up to help and that's such a wonderful feeling.

Thanks for the translation Matt,
I thought he was talking about his wife, and what tone he should use with her, I agree with you
My basic advice here is to post frequently and often, sorry for the confusion

Call me Mr Negative if you like but it seems there are more people on this BB who end up divorced rather than finding a way to reconciliation or am I simply suffering from a case of confirmation bias. Not saying this a bad thing as everyone seems to use the BB to get their heads together so their lives become far better than they would have been had they not posted and got involved.

I think you are right that more end up divorcing. You are also correct that whether the M survives or not, someone who applies the DB principles faithfully will emerge a better person. Furthermore, for those of us who expect the re-marry there are valuable lessons to be found in this BB. Whatever the outcome in my sitch - I am almost 100% certain that will be D - I will continue to frequent this board for support and also to pay it forward. Therefore, I think you have to reframe your expectations.

Good luck,

RAI

P.S. Mr. Negative , Mozza actually has a nice list of success stories. Check out his threads.

Doesn't that fly in the face of what DB stands for? The DR book gives you hope that a D can be avoided yet the reality is that you need to come to terms with a D and move on as a better human being knowing that the chances of a successful second marriage are even less than first time round.