Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Help and support appreciated

If she can't afford a place and pay childcare and work full time. How do I suggest she move back in? I have a hearing for temp support custody and alimony on the 13th

Is it possible to properly validate her feelings over text? Requests as well, without feeling I am caving to everything and not trying to pressure her to move back in?

How far would tough love go? I am still paying for car insurance, phone, truck payment for her because of my kids. Soon going to have to pay child support, alimony and her lawyers fees as well.

How can I successfully rid my compulsion to fix "things",when I am an Industrial equipment technician and analyzing,troubleshooting, fixing, and maintaining are part of my lifelong training and everyday career.

Just dropped D1 twins off. No problems. Cool,calm and collected. She still won't make eye contact with me.

Hi West,

I just wanted to stop by and inform you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You have come to the right place for solid advice and support.

For your own good, please do not let your W's behavior affect you. I know, much easier said than done. Show her a cool, calm and collected West when you do see each other. You need to do this so you don't look desperate to her.

I am sure that some of the vets on this board like Wonka, Sandi, MrBond, etc. can offer more detailed advice. I hope this helps for now.

Peace to you and may each day be better than the previous. Hang in there...we have your back!

Your friend,

Bob

I appreciate the encouragement Bob. Thank you.

That worked for a bit,then feel like I backslid as she called me on the way home. Ended up talking for an hour and a half on the phone. Started about money issues, that i waa trying to ruin her financially by cutting her off and making her beg me for money.i gladly gave her money to take care of her and 3 kids. I admitted my reactions and everything leading up to her moving out were be ause of how hurt I felt. Said she would never have done it to me... then it turned into a regular conversation like we used to have talking about feelings, emotions, things that we both did, intentions.

After being more assertive instead of passive, and expressing how things made me feel instead of bottling it up, seem to relax more and be more open, and see things through a different lens. Being able to step back, and see what each is saying and how they are reacting instead of just doing the same arguing routine.

I had to break the cycle of the same old thing, and it seemed to work. Felt like the nights when we were dating and we would talk endlessly on the phone. Told me she wasnt sleeping well and that she could fall asleep listening to me talk, which happened often.
just being calm, relaxed and sharing my thoughts, feelings, and hopes about life, without any expectations.

You FIX those things for a living not your relationship!

My business is to fix things too - I understand.

I have been told I am a rescuer, people pleaser.....ugghhj

Hi West1, it's good to know that and in truth there are worse things to be. However being that way can have downsides too. Where does helping stop and trying to control begin for example. Have you read no more mr nice guy? You'll see it mentioned a lot on the forum as it seems to help many of the guys here. There are also NMMNG groups I believe. Old Dog in Newcomers is a member of one...