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Hi BW,

Sorry to hear things have not been going better. I just wanted to stop by and say "hello!" and let you know I've been thinking about you.

Please keep a PMA and don’t give up, ok? I know it's much easier said than done but I also know you CAN do it. Patience!

*hugs*

Your friend,

Bob

Thanks for checking in, Bob!! It always makes me smile when I get a post from you. I actually doing pretty good today, but yes things are not better with H yet, but that is expected. I am just trying to detach and stay focused on me.

How are you?

Responded to H's text late last night. Decided to respond like I would want to be responded to. Upbeat, said hello, answered question, and told him to enjoy his day.

Does make me sad and a bit angry that H has opted to act cold towards my parents. He has always gotten along really well with them. They have always treated like their own son. I would say better than with his own parents. He never did tell them thank you for bday present. Actually, when he finally did open it and came downstairs, tossed the GC for a really nice restaurant on the table in front of me and said I won't be using this so use it when your parents are here. I said it was a gift for him and he should keep it. No way I am going to regift it to use it for my parents. He then picked it and tossed on chair and then said fine we can go then. Oy. My mom is the only one that really knows more detail. She just told dad he needs space right now and is going through hard time. I told her I think he has MLC and to try and not take it personally that he has not called.

It is stuff like this where I think he is showing signs of MLC and not just WS. That, and ignoring his/our beloved dog.

Feel like this is light week for GAL. Have meetup on Friday and art class on Saturday. Been a bit down as we have not had bootcamp. Trainer's mom had stroke and is not doing well, so she obviously is needed elsewhere. Still walking 3 miles everyday and I made it to gym yesterday at lunch.

Have a great day all!

Just a moment of gratitude. I am so thankful I have a very successful career that I can support myself on my own and that I am in general a pretty independent woman. I have the financial resources to be ok throughout this. Unfortunately, I don't have children/daughter, but if I did have a daughter, my current situation would certainly reinforce pushing the importance of having her own career, financial security, and independence. A friend and I were discussing this the other day as it relates to her daughter and how much she pushes that with her.

Your his is exhibiting some symptoms of MLC. For example, the distancing from your parents and his dog. The reason he didn't want the GC is because he is feeling guilty for he way he feels about life and he knows that he's treating them in a poor manner. Take the card and put it somewhere safe, don't try to force him to do anything w/it for now. Generally GCs don't have an expiration date, but you can check that out on the back of the card or call the 1-800 number

If your h is in MLC, he's going to probably get worse before he gets better, so buckle up for the rough ride. His mood swings will probably get worse and yes, he'll have many temper tantrums over nothing, etc.

Continue to focus on you and keep up the good work on taking care of yourself.

Seat belt is buckled and harness is on!!

The two MLC signs my H has not really shown are confusion and spending money like crazy. He did buy a few new clothing items early after BD, but that was work related. Also taking out more cash so I don't know what he is doing with regard to A, but not buying huge amounts and not buying large ticket items. I mean he keeps saying he is in limbo with us, but not much else as far as confusion. He is really happy with new job, but it is really stressful. But the rest of the MLC signs are there--regretting no children, losing weight, not wanting to wake up 70 and alone, etc.

H did respond to text. Even threw in have a good day back. Half of baby step. Question, should I invite him to go to dinner when parents are here? I assume he would say no, but seems like I should ask. 2x4?

I would extend an invitation to dinner, but leave it up to him as to whether or not he would like to come. You could say something like: "h, my parents are in town from July xxx to xxx, if you would like to have dinner one evening while they are in town, you are more than welcome to do so". This leave it up to him as to whether he wants to attend or not.

H called last night to try and figure out dates for my parents visit. I am not sure why he is making such a big deal out of it when he randomly goes and stays elsewhere on the fly anyway I said worse case scenario he can stay in room with me for the night. Said that did not so great since we are not really speaking now. I wanted to say whose fault is that and it is an easy fix, but I STFU.

He sounds more stressed out than I have ever heard him and it seems he is now moved on to being destructive with some work colleagues. I just tried to be sympathetic and listen instead of trying to be the fixer. Said I was sorry he is so stressed out these days. It was the longest we have spoken in weeks, and it was only a 5-10 min call. He diffently seems on a downward spiral. Wondering if rock bottom is anywhere in sight.

Feeling frustrated. H keeps booking work trips without letting me know, so I guess he assumes I am just going to take care of the house and dog from now on, but still live here and live the good ole life. Oh, and not go anywhere or have to board the dog, which is not cheap. Nice. Should I say something to him about this or just suck it up for now and deal with it. But I guess we are not married in his mind, so probably does not care about impacts on me.

Feeling so disconnected from him these days. Makes me sad. I don't want to be his roommate anymore.

I would ask your h if he would let you know when he's going to be out of town because you have some plans of your own that will take you away from home some this summer as well. Let him know that you are willing to work w/him on a schedule so that the home is well kept and the dog is taken care of.

BTW, he's not thinking of anyone but himself and sometimes we to nudge this a bit and remind them that even as roommates there are still some things, like schedules, that need to be coordinated.