Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Rebuilding my castle...foundation is halfway...

Thanks Job. I agree.

Told him I wanted to go ahead with the settlement. Told him my terms. Contacted the court to let them know I have received a settlement proposal--don't trust Matt's atty to avoid the pretrial hearing when money is to be made.

Told Matt that I didn't doubt he had regrets, but doubted he would take any action.

It was me telling him stuff again--but, more my way of closing the book. It needed my ending. I need a new relationship, not the old one.

Feel a bit sad today. Haven't done much.

I've prepared myself that he could come back with anger. I hope not, but, I can handle it.

Feeling a little withdrawal. I was feeling so detached. Dammmit. The interaction I've had in the past month is the most (hopeful) I've had in a long time.

Feels like the scab was ripped off. I keep seeing young men who remind me of Matt in high school. Kinda shaggy and tan.

I think if I was feeling a bit more settled in my new life, I wouldn't have let him under my skin again.

I'm glad I shut it down because he wasn't offering anything real and that always sets me up for more heartbreak. Just gotta feel these last remnants of grief.

Even a text from my H gets me rattled so I understand my friend. Unfortunately these interactions are usually not as meaningful to them as they are to us. i so wish it were different but sweetie the odds are just not in your favor.

I am sorry. i know it is like grieving all over again. Only time will tell if there is a genuine change. Stay strong and focused. You are worth it.

I sent a text this morning to ask about the settlement agreement.

I received a response...

Heath, are there any xxx jobs up there? I've been looking on the internet. I'm torn inside.

I paraphrased... but, you get the idea.

And, he said he didn't want to cancel the pretrial hearing because he wants to see me.

Heather,
I'm sorry, but it sounds like he's still looking to you to help him. The internet is a great way to locate jobs and he can do this on his own w/o your help. Heck, you are looking for a better job yourself.

Sounds to me he's finally coming to terms w/the fact that you are moving on w/your life and the grass on your side of the fence appears to be getting greener by the day for him.

Maybe he wants to move closer to have more interaction w/your daughter or maybe he's hoping that you'll take him back w/o doing the hard, necessary work. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if things aren't going well where he's at right now.
Not your problem.

Keep the focus on you and your daughter. You've had to fight tooth and nail to get where you are today w/o his help. Allow him to figure things out for himself. He truly needs to grow up.

Thanks Job.

So, do I push for the settlement?

Do I hold off?

Do I respond?

What the ??xoojower0jaf!!

I feel a bit like a baby bunny who is being teased out of the nest and he is holding some cast iron skillet behind his back.

And, I think I feel a little angry.

It's incredibly selfish to lay all that on me.

I don't hear him asking me what I want.

why would you hold off on the settlement?

Alright. I asked him for some space to digest.

That's what I will do. Take the space and digest.

He didn't even know the date for the hearing. So, I guess that means he hasn't spoken to his attorney. Jeeeezzzus.

He is a little boy.

I would move forward on the settlement. Do not hold off on this. You need to have this situation put to rest and if he wakes up later and does the hard work, and wants to try again, YOU are the one that decides whether you want to make a go of it again...but of course, you don' sweep the issues under the carpet...face them, set boundaries, etc. For now, continue moving forward.

I would respond to his text and advise him that he needs to continue searching the net, as well as searching the papers on line. He can also do a search for his area of expertise to see if there are openings. He can also write letters and send his resume to places in the area. It's not your job to do job searches for him. Don't do the work for him. Keep in mind, he fired you for being his wife a long time ago. If he wants a job, he needs to locate one on his own.

I don't trust him. For all I know, he could be using a different tactic to drag out the settlement and keep you in limbo. Time will tell...but move forward on the settlement.