My wife is leaving me after 15 years. I have beaten cancer but the recovery is also very tough. I have read DB and DR and have done my best to implement the steps laid out therein. Also have read Sandi's rules and many of her posts. GAL has been challenging with the cancer and treatment. I'm not looking so much for pity as I am words of encouragement.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Thank you Cadet. I've been reading these posts for a year now. Everything seems to be spot on. Read MWD's books a year ago. My wife is in therapy and I am as well although we have not gone together.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thank you. I am familiar with much of the advice here and as far as I know W does not know of this site. I did break one of Sand's rules in the midst of my cancer treatment and talked to the one sister of mine that can't keep her mouth shut and word got back to W. Of course with very bad results. Still love my sister though!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Very sorry you are here. I'm a two-time cancer survivor, and I had a rough treatment about a year before my W had her wake up to realize she wasn't happy and that I wasn't giving her what she needs. It definitely is one piece/trigger for her fleeing.
Are you still under treatment that impacts your health and daily life? Are you finding other support?
Keep posting. You'll get a lot of support & help.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Hi asitis. My treatment ended late April. PET scan was all clear and very good news. My biggest physical challenge at this point is having lost so much strength and having no stamina. Also starting new job to make sure of having insurance coverage when and if D comes. I have a big family that is very supportive and loving. Interestingly we have all had trouble in our marriages in the last couple of years. We have had four divorces, two separations and another likely separation. Our children have hit their teen years and that seems to be when the mid-life issues come into play. I have a new found respect for the people fighting cancer and I hope you are doing well in your fight. It is certainly very hard on families and caregivers.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Had a huge fight over dividing our assets. The first fight we ever had that didn't involve my two children from previous marriage. I have never seen her so venomous. Definitely helps to detach from her to see so much hatred in her eyes.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Welcome to the group, Shotgun. Prayers for your continued recovery and health, and of course, for your marriage.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
