Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New marriage already over -please help me :/

Just keep breathing. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour. It will get easier. Keep posting and we will help you through it.

Get out of the hour Aj8. If you're in SF you can walk all over the place. If the gym reminds you of her, hit a park. Do some body weight workouts, runs, anything to burn off some of the anxiety and get the dopamine pumping again.

You're going to have to force yourself into self care for a while, but it's very important.

We've all been where you are and have gotten the same advice from other members on this board. We all thought it was impossible, and all had to take it like Matt said, minute by minute sometimes.

Movement is helpful, watching TV is not. Try to be your own best friend if you can't reach out and have someone come and get you and take you for a walk or for a cup of coffee.

Thanks Matt and Pig Pen , I try I went to my parents house , I hung out with friends , I text friends for support . All helps but then bam after that I'm alone again without my love . At nights I even wake up and cry

Every damn minute I think of how I messed up , how she can suddenly go ice cold after 7 years .....

Its going to suck for a long while Aj8. Not trying to bring you down but you've got to brace yourself for this. I spent the morning in tears today and my W left six months ago! That's a lot of crying.

You've got to look at this like the marathon of your life, the hero's journey of sorts. You're just starting out and unfortunately it may get worse. Start marshaling every positive resource you have and know that you're going to need them.

When my W left I told myself I had to consider it like I had just gotten diagnosed with cancer. It was going to be the fight of my life either way, and keeping every other aspect of my life as healthy as possible was my survival method.

Let the tears flow man, they're good for you and you've just gotten a huge wound to your heart and life. Let them flow, but then get moving.

Pigpen that's what hurts the most I keep trying to grab any hope (like this website) but don't think she'll come back. I look at your stories and don't see any hope for mine

Deep breaths Aj

You are still very very new to this situation.

Focus on you. What makes you happy?

HOPE is within YOU!
Their is always HOPE IMHO until YOU decide otherwise.

When you first got married you never believed she would change either. Right?

SO - TRUST the PROCESS - Believe in YOU.
CONTROL that which is in your CONTROL and let go of the rest.

Everything will turn out just as it is meant to be.


Knowledge is Power

Thanks everyone must feel if I keep hoping I'll be in for more let downs and will never get rid of the pain or be able to move on

Aj8 -
We've all been there. The movie replaying in your head of all the things you would and could have done differently. Here's the thing:

IT. ISNT. OVER.

Sitting around and wallowing won't help anything though. As PP said, allow yourself some time to feel your feelings, but then pick yourself up and DO something. It doesn't have to be anything major. But cut the lawn, go buy groceries, talk a walk...anything. You'll find that there might be a second you don't think about your W. Then two, then five. Then maybe a whole minute. And so on.

But that doesn't just HAPPEN. You have to make it happen.

I know it doesn't make sense. I know it's counter intuitive. But the only way you have a chance to get her back is to let her go. Give her the space and time to find herself. And then USE that time to become the BEST Aj8 possible.

The only way that she will come back is if she truly believes that your lives together will be different. How are you going to PROVE that?