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Thank you, PP... I need them. Trying to hold it together this morning. My W had agreed to clear her calendar to help with the kids' move, but it turns out she had booked an appointment that cut into the time we'd arranged. I couldn't help but text after I left for church that I was disappointed, especially since she has been so eager to move them out (anything that looks like forward progress toward the plans she has for her new life), and I made mention that since she's breaking up our family, they won't have a parental home to return to. Didn't know if that was the right move, but when I got back, she was working her ass off to help them, at least for as long as she could. She's been friendly to me, too... recognizing, I suppose, that this is not easy for me.

So, we'll see. After she heads to her appointment, I won't see her till next week. She doesn't know this yet, but it will be interesting to see how she responds.

The will of God - His good, pleasing, and perfect will - is that we should be conformed to the image of His son, the Lord Jesus Christ (Rom.8:29). So that in everything that happens…ALL that happens, whether you reconcile and restore your marriage with your wife or not, this question remains: “Am I submitting my mind to the truth of Scripture in such a way that I am proving the fact that the will of God is good, pleasing, and perfect?" (That’s Romans chapter 12 verse 2: ” Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern and PROVE what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”)

So what is His will for you tomorrow? Get up and go to work. Get up and do the next thing. Get up and make sure that you DISCERN God’s will, and you discern what is pleasing to the Lord. How do you do that? By bringing the truth of the Bible to bear upon the circumstances of your life. How do I discover what God’s will is? By reading my Bible.

It is His will for me that I am holy. It is His will for me that I live in purity. It is His will for me that I rejoice evermore. It is his will for me that, if I am married, I love my wife as Christ loves the church. These things are all absolutely clear.

Now…KNOWING all that and applying it…THAT is the challenge...to do everything, EVERYTHING as though you were doing it for the Lord and His glory (Col.3:23). THAT is His will for you no matter what circumstance you ever find yourself in.

It sounds like you are doing well and on the right path, and that is encouraging to me.

-PM

Diff,

You are doing really well with your exchanges with your W. I think you've got it. I really do. Can't wait for you go go away and we shall see if W blows up your phone. Be on the alert for the pursuit-distance dance when you go away.

Thanks, PM. And God bless you.

So, we moved the boys into their new apartment this morning... W actually made it so she could help all the way through, which at first seemed to conflict with her schedule, but the guys moved quickly and we were done sooner than we thought. I got a bit teary eyed standing in the kitchen and she noticed, came over and kissed me... I mean, a carefully placed, "not to be misconstrued as anything more than friends" peck on the cheek, but it was something.

After we unloaded the truck, W drove the UHaul and I drove our car back to the rental place. She drove right behind me the whole time. Her phone has that bluetooth handsfree connection to the speakers in the car, so when her phone rang and she answered it, she was close enough in range that the voice on the other end came through to my ears.

"Hi Sweetie, how's your morning going?"

Oh man... so many things run through my mind NOW that I could have said. But instead of those things, I just asked, "Hello? Who is this?"

<Gasp> on the other end, hangs up quickly.

The phone rings AGAIN.

"Hi..." "Yes, who is this???" Hang up.

One more time... "So, is the big move over yet?"

Honest to God... I'm like, "Hey, will you stop calling, please? Obviously, I'm not the one you want to talk to." Click.

I call the W, driving behind me. "Hey, your mistress keeps calling the car. Did not care to hear her call me sweetie. Maybe y'all could stay off the phone just for the duration of this little trip?"

She apologized.

We drop the truck off and she gets in the car. "I'm sorry you had to hear that conversation," she said. "I know it's hurtful."

I just nodded. I mentioned how the OW gasped and hung up when she first called.

"You know she and I are in a relationship now?" she said.

"I know you're in something, clearly," I said.

She asked me my plans for the day, and I was noncommittal. She dropped me off and left for her appointment, I opened the door and came inside. I thought for a minute how the W and I had looked forward to the empty nest, in a mixed feelings kind of way. Just the two of us, more freedom, we'd see them often because they are only 15 minutes away. But it was to be a new chapter in our lives, and their bedroom would always be clean.

Instead, she decided to write another chapter. I walked into the living room and just could not believe how absolutely empty this place feels, and how alone I feel. The kids gone, her gone... my whole family, gone, in just two months.

I lost it.

But I'm pulling myself together now, getting ready to meet with my Stephen Minister and packing for my visit to see Mom. I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to be here alone tonight, seeing as how I'm having a very hard time being here alone just for an hour. So I am very grateful to be able to go see her - and grateful I can come back here and find amazing support as well.

(((Diff)))

Breathe....

Yeah, this is a very difficult transition. Especially when you have a W who is a WAS and pretty much AWOL emotionally.

Praying for you and your family.

I feel for you. Went through that same feeling coming home last week to a mostly empty place.

What helped me was imagining my house as a blank canvas instead of a skeleton. Now, I get to choose what to put in my home and how to fill it. Focus on the opportunities ahead of you instead of what's behind you.

I've found it doesn't take away all the pain, but it has helped me some.

Hello DifRent,

A friend passed this along to me today. I found it encouraging and wanted to share it with you:

Faith…Trust…Hope…Confidence…Love…Attitude

{1}
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain,
on the day of prayer all the people gathered,
but only one boy came with an umbrella.

That's FAITH

{2}
When you throw a baby in the air,
she laughs because she knows you will catch her.

That's TRUST

{3}
Every night we go to bed,
without any assurance of being alive the next morning
but still we set the alarms to wake up.

That's HOPE

{4}
We plan big things for tomorrow
in spite of zero knowledge of the future.

That's CONFIDENCE

{5}
We see the world suffering,
but still we get married and have children.

That's LOVE

{6}
On an old lady's shirt was written a sentence
'I am not 80 years old....
I am sweet 16 with 64 years experience'

That's ATTITUDE

Have a happy day,

Live your life like the six stories above!

Thanks for all the well wishes. At my mom's house now, just enjoying some wine and although this is still the saddest day since the bomb drop, it would definitely be worse if I were at the house. A bit irritated that my W has yet to respond to a text I sent about somewhat pressing housekeeping business regarding the boys this weekend, but then again, it's Friday night and someone else surely has her attention right now.

The boys are very happy, exciting stuff for them - so I am happy for them. I imagined months ago that this day would be hard, but that my W and I would also celebrate the bittersweetness of an empty nest you can share with a loving partner. Figured we'd have a nicer than usual dinner and enjoy wine on the porch tonight. We'd be happy and sad all at the same time, and look forward to our own new adventures and freedom. It truly [censored] to have had all that taken away so recently, and for this day to be nothing but sadness.

Wonka did well to tell me to breathe, as it was hard to catch my breath at one point - I have never felt so lonely as I did this afternoon. I cannot even bring myself to tell my mom the full extent of what's going on, she wouldn't want the details anyway. But of course, sooner or later, when we're moving out of the house and my W is moving into the hood, there will have to be explanations.

Tomorrow is the 24th anniversary of my brother's death in a car accident. A few years ago, I wrote a book about it, and in the book, I said that his death was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but because I came through it, I knew I could come through anything. Because something else might happen that would be just as bad, but nothing could ever happen that would be worse.

I don't know if I was right about that - because his death had closure. I think this sitch, with its layers and layers of loss has, at least for now, topped the list.