Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Well here I am...

While we were dating it was good, we were both very happy, got along and were positive about the future, which then (at least I thought) moved into our marriage before kids. We would spend most of our time together after the birth of our son and while my love didn't change at that time our priorities did to focus on the new member of our family. Sex after the birth of our child pretty much dried up, he is almost three now and you could count on one hand how many times we've had sex since he was born. I would approach the subject with her and never really got a good answer. Maybe it was the possible cancer diagnosis? I am not sure. Obviously we have communication issues.

Whenever there were disagreements we would handle most issues very calmly and work together, some hot button issues (ie. more kids) would make me raise my voice which I always apologized for after. I would poke fun at the stuff she would say sometimes and we would both get a good laugh out of it so my intention was humor and not to make her feel bad.

After our weekend correspondence I'm not sure she really wants a family anymore....I think she wants to be the single punk rock girl she has always wanted to be.

Apparently her recollection of our past is much different than mine.

I cannot make her realize that she is ruining a family for her own selfish needs because this is not about me, it's about her and her decision to not want to try. I have to be strong for our son.

MM

NO you can not convince her of anything, stop trying to.
She must come to these realizations on her own, detach and put the focus on YOURSELF not her!

The more you try to convince of anything, the more determined she will be to run and do the things that you are trying to convince her not to do. Let her be! Keep the focus on you and your son. You are the adult now and need to be strong and there for your son.

MM, W is searching for happiness. You need to allow her this time. The harder you try to get her to see her mistake, the harder she will pull away.

NO relationship talks. No pursuit. Just be friends.

Time and space is the key here.

You need to show strength and confidence. Tell us your plan for you.

My H said all of the same things to me...he is a different person, ILYBIDLY, my personality, we just aren't good together, yada, yada, yada. All things that MWD discusses in DR that are NOT reasons to D. This is an A talking, at least in my case. They are comparing to passionate/early in love feelings they get from OP. Do you know if there is OM?

BW,

No OM that I am aware of, I asked and was told no, but, from what I've read on these forums that really doesn't mean much. She's "taking time to work on herself" so if that involves an OM too I honestly do not know.

I think I'm going to contact an attorney or at least do some online research to see what I should/can do to protect myself. Has anyone else taken any steps to protect themselves?

For sure. Knowledge is power. Knowing your rights can help you avoid pitfalls and at the same time release you of some of your fears.

Totally do things now to protect yourself and your family. Some L's will do a free phone consultation and you can ask them questions for state specific responses. Keep an eye on joint accounts for suspicious withdrawals, etc.

After all that's been said and done in the last few weeks I'm not sure if I want to resist D anymore...it just drains the life out of me.

After reading your story, do you know of any new group of friends your W has been hanging out with? Any way to look at phone records? It's pretty rare that a mom would just leave her child that way.