Okay guys, here's my post before I head out for the day...
Myrrh--no worries!
The investigator asked me lots of questions--most of them to which I didn't have any answers. It was very tough after he left. Triple J was good enough to devote much of his day tending to my personal needs via IM (thanks ).
We both agreed that it was time for an R talk. The question was when.
Then I got a call from a friend who gave me some advice that I didn't relish regarding the golf tournament, so I knew the time was upon me. With my goal in mind, I made the call. He had someone in his office so he called me back.
We discussed the tournament and came to 2 decisions--he will let me know which one he feels is the best course. Then I told him I wanted to talk about the investigator and everything in between.
Folks, it was a really long call and I can't remember all of it. I have to summarize because I need to leave work soon.
I asked him if he really wants the D but has not proceeded because of guilt. He answered no, that he doesn't want the D.
He told me he came to the conclusion that there were 2 options as he saw them: to D or to come home. And he didn't want either. I asked him if he had considered the 3rd and best option?
He said, "Huh?"
I replied through my tears, "Working on a reconciliation without forcing you to move home."
He was silent and told me to proceed.
I asked him what his biggest fear would be? He responded that he was afraid that we would go back to our old ways and being the same unhappy people, and he knew HE didn't want that and figured I didn't want it either. I concurred.
Through more tears I told him, "K, if you think I'm going to hold this over your head forever, I won't. If you think I'm going to get revenge, I won't. If you think I'm interested in holding grudges, I am not. And if you think I'm going to ask you to get on your knees and grovel, I'm not interested in that either."
He said, "You've given me something to work with."
I ended up telling him my idea for the button (the one I want to make before my trip back east) and he started to laugh. He told me that I'm really funny. Hey, I already knew that!
Then we discussed his parents. He told me before he had to run to a meeting that his dad told him that getting a divorce was not the answer.
He figures that his dad is right.
We discussed a zillion more things. I finally stated, "I'm not asking for you to commit to the reconciliation process right now, but very soon. It's time to move either way."
He apologized for keeping me in limbo for 15 months... and commented somewhere during the convo that he can't even remember why he felt it was so important to leave. He no longer feels resentment toward me and asked me if I really believed that we could resolve our communication differences?
I told him yes, I really did.
Anyway, that is about it in a nutshell. If I can remember specific details, I'll jot them down.
Until then, it's time for the shark weigh in at the center and then home to hang out with my girls.
TTFN!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks Pattie and Zoo--let's just hope that he decides to take the hard road and decide to work on things. I actually feel like he WILL choose that option, so I can at least breathe again.
I have a monster of a headache, though. It's totally stress induced and I feel like I have a hangover.
So as long as I was on a roll, I called my folks to tell them the latest. I really work at keeping them in the dark because they worry about me. (I'm the oldest kid and ironically the one kid they DIDN'T ever worry about... and I don't like being fretted over at the almost age of 42.)
My mom was relieved and felt good about what I was telling her. We chatted about my upcoming trip, and they really ARE excited about it. Hey, at least I know they love me and tell me this.
Then my sister called on her way home from work to catch up. I don't worry about telling her stuff because she's really a good listener. Needless to say, she was very hopeful that Mr. W. would choose to reconcile.
I asked them all to pray for his decision to come easily AND quickly--so that I don't have to make that doggone button (and my mom did laugh at that too).
Maybe I'll have a T-shirt made instead that says, "We're working on it. Don't ask."
Now, ocean friends, I'm gathering my kids and we're heading to bed. It's not even 9:00 and D10 is wiped out from CSAP testing and D7 will be happy if I put a movie in the VCR. Then I can happily read more Harville Hendrix and nod off into oblivion.
And that concludes our in-flight entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, please stow your trays to the locked position and your seats in the full and upright postion. Please fasten your seatbelts for our landing.
And pray like he!! that this plane has working landing gear!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'm so happy your plane has retrieved its landing gear! Hooray for you! Sure makes the landing seem lots less scary, doesn't it?
I read your post with such happiness. I know it's the beginning of a long, hard road...but it's a beginning nonetheless.
You have worked so hard and done so much to improve yourself. I'm so proud of you Betsey! You are one of the people that make this BB such a great place to come. You give us all someone to look up to.
I don't want to place too much pressure on you here...and I don't want to be a deranged seal... BUT you do deserve lots of praise for all of this.
I don't have that selfless side that you do that allows you to post like you do...from the big news to the mundane to the simple journaling. In doing that, you are giving everyone a beginning, middle, and end. I don't have the courage for that. You have totally put yourself out there for the benefit of all of us. I must tell you how much I appreciate that! You're courageous, and you're selfless. I can't think of two better compliments than that.
I would comment directly to some of the things in your convo with your H, but they speak for themselves.
I'm still catching up on the latest round of posts, but wanted to tell you...
You said:
I asked him what his biggest fear would be? He responded that he was afraid that we would go back to our old ways and being the same unhappy people, and he knew HE didn't want that and figured I didn't want it either. I concurred.
This is almost exactly the same thing my husband said to me before he came home!!
It boils down to fear...
But, the fact that your guppy is saying he can't even remember why he left in the first place means to me that he's much further along than my monkey was!
I am printing your post out and taping it to my forehead!
I see this as the perfect scenario for my W and I to get back together.
Applause, Applause, Applause !!
You have seen, and then lessened that fear of rejection the WA hubby must have been feeling. To present a way for him to come closer as a third, non-threatening way was just brilliant.
Creating that zone of safety and support for H is so important. And you are doing it beautifully!!
).
GO YOU! 
