We have so many new folks in piecing so I'll do a quick recap here.
12/02: Bomb dropped. 1/03: Mr. Wonderful moved out. 1/04: Mr. Wonderful moved into a bigger apartment.
He's 43, I'm almost 42, we have 2 kids: D10 and D7, who is developmentally disabled. We're making progress, but it's really slow.
I call him my fish friend because I used to eat him. I'm also a recovering crazymaker. I'm really happy to say that I haven't created drama in at least 6 months (maybe more) and I haven't eaten fish since last June.
GO ME!
With the help of my other shark and fish friends, I've learned how to adjust my diet from fish to plankton. It was a really difficult change, but I'm much healthier and I think my family members think I'm a whole lot more reasonable.
Now the real Betsey has committed to a new lifestyle change. Fish is in her diet and encouraged! I'm happy to report that I'm 8 lbs down and am encouraged by my progress. If Mr. Wonderful doesn't think I'm hot when I'm down to my pre D7 weight, I'm going to find another guy who does.
In the meantime, I've been struggling with resentment this week. It started by an offhand comment he made on Sunday, before heading to a BBQ with friends. I felt that he was indifferent toward his responsibilities as a father and a husband (though he has not given one iota since he departed on the latter)... after doing the bulk of the child rearing, chauffeuring, mentoring, and supporting (both emotional and financial), I'm tired. This shark is exhausted from doing the lion's share of the work.
However, my friends here have provided support and guidance in helping me set new goals to get me through the next few days to few weeks:
The rest is still up in the air, so the waiting game continues. I have a few goals to set, which will help me to determine my readiness to tackle this Step and his readiness to being receptive and honest.
1. I will continue to act as if I'm patient. 2. I will pay close attention to the verbal and non-verbal cues he gives me in his conversations with me (both phone and in person). 3. I will observe his choices of wording for clues.
Meredith last posted a suggestion in my previous thread to ask for a dinner date. I'm mulling that over.
To quote my friend George McFly (Back to the Future): "I don't know if I can handle that sort of rejection!"
The girls and I are heading back to my childhood home in VA for spring break, which is undoubtedly what the doctor is ordering for all of us. We need to hop a plane and head somewhere out of dodge. I just hope that Mr. Wonderful uses his free time to miss us.
He's calling me more frequently now that I've really backed off from him since his mother died several weeks ago. I don't know what this means. The last time he started calling often, he was trying to deliver me the news about his move into a bigger apartment.
This frequent calling cycle is injected with a whole lot of Bob Barker, where the previous one was not. He's acting more concerned about what is going on in my life, though he's still not the guy I married.
In fact, most of the time, he's still Curly Joe, the Unfunny Stooge.
I wonder if I had some serious character defect to overlook his emotionally crippled state or I'm really a stooge too... At any rate, he gave me 2 terrific kids, and whatever happens, I'm really happy about that.
Even Moe can find happiness being a stooge!
Hugs to all,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hope all is well. Confess to not having followed you in detail, but check in from time to time for the inspiration I find from you. Your patience is a goal I strive to reach.
Quote: 1. I will continue to act as if I'm patient. 2. I will pay close attention to the verbal and non-verbal cues he gives me in his conversations with me (both phone and in person). 3. I will observe his choices of wording for clues.
I've wondered if I have a character flaw (or what kind it is, more accurately) also....helps to know someone else has thought that. Question: what do you mean by "bob barkering" (I know who Bob is, just don't get the connection.."come on down"!?"
Write and Deb--Of course you may borrow my short term goals! Stealing them is okay too!
Deb, the Bob Barker is a term that we came up with a couple months ago. You will find it mentioned in my previous threads as well as Meredith's. Basically, Bob is encouraging and happy and doesn't let grumpy and negative people change his attitude toward them or anyone else.
He's the life of the party--full of enthusiasm and accepting people and situations for what they are--and he always roots for everyone to win. Who could hate Bob Barker (except for Happy Gilmore)?
Something funny happened when Meredith and I started acting like Bob. Our depressed/withdrawn spouses started to smile. And before too long, they adopted Bob's mannerisms with us. It caught both of us off guard.
Bob isn't a long term answer to any problem, but often we all tend to get too down about life and someone needs to be the party person. We elect to be that person when the sitch calls for Bob's appearance.
Please feel free to read back, because we also addressed the times where Bob shouldn't be invited to the party. He has an off button....
Just keep swimming!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
You know what? I think Vanna would be a lovely alternative for our male posters... great idea Dazed!
I'm not sure if turning letters makes her more qualified than watching a bunch of fat old people spin the $1.00 wheel for the final showdown, but I guess you have to go with an image.
Up with Bob and Vanna!!!
Hud, do you have any issues with Wheel of Fortune? Any good TV pounding stories for people who don't yell "GO BIG MONEY"??????? You know I love you for sharing that with us...
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
