Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Rysinmans climb after WAW! #2

Good Morning everyone,
I have decided to check in with everyone and update you all on my sitch. As far as me and W being Separated nothing has changed. I have officially settled into my new apartment and things are going good. I do miss my dogs very much but I understand that this is part of the process. I have had very little interactions with W since her return from her " " stress relieving trip with her mom "OM" she is not aware her brother contacted me while she was supposed to be visiting her mom. But i just let that go as another reason W is no longer the person i was in love with. Not a single thread of truth comes from her lips anymore and i am ok with that these days, a mutual friend also informed me that her mother came to visit for mother’s day and she introduced her to OM and from what i was told they all got along great, I told my friend that i no longer wanted to hear about W or OM no matter what it concerns. this action helped me solidified my feelings as far as legal separation and beginning to date again, after all it has been 9 months now since Affair was discovered, and i honestly don't see things changing for the better anymore as far as Me and W go, and i am ok with that, the most important things about this entire sitch is that i have become a better person and man and to be honest that is what matters. Again this week she tried to convince me that she needed help paying for her new apartment. Inside i just laughed because i know that she is living with OM but still trying to keep up the image that she is living on her own. Little does she know that i went to the post office on Thursday to find out why my mail has not been forwarded to my new address and when they came back they gave me an address that was not mine but for W. and it was his place. i guess i just get a little confused why she still feels she needs to lie when the truth is so evident and to be honest, i am now ok with the outcome that i have been left with. in fact i am better than ok, I’m excited for my future. Anyhow i digress.

For the past month i have decided to start talking and dating just for some company and i have really enjoyed myself kind of scary, but at the same time talk about a boost in confidence. Well this Saturday i get a text from my brother saying he was sorry his missed my phone call, i stated i had not called him and that i was at work, he said yeah i know i missed a call from your work. This seemed super weird to me because i had not called him. So i asked W i she had called my brother and she said no. but something just didn’t seem right why would a hospital that my brother has never visited call him. So i asked a friend of mine that lives in Texas and she stated that yeah she had received a phone call from the hospital me and W work at, and that a female asked for a random name and when she told the female it was the wrong number said person began to ask questions like, have you been to the hospital lately, are you civilian, military, dependent ETC. My friend said it seemed really weird so she hung up. Now this happened to 7 people on my phone contact list and three have never been to my hospital and live out of state. And one of them was my sister and she said it sounded like my W. Now here is my question what is she hoping to achieve by getting ahold of my phone records and calling the numbers i have texted or called. I am confused why she would do this, she has made her choice and she is still living with OM why is she trying to gather information about me! Especially since i have left her alone completely and have actually began to move on and look forward to what this life holds for me! Any idea's from the ladies out there. I feel like she is fishing for evidence but i don’t know why it’s not like i am going to contest anything in the D! Other than that life has really been good, i have started training for a marathon in December. And i take a trip to Greenland in August super stoked about that. I hope that everyone is doing well and things are looking up for everyone the way they have for me!

I needed to clarify a point i was incorrect in expressing, i did not mean legal separation. W has filed for D, and i will be receiving the paperwork any day now, and to be honest i am ok with it at this time in my life! I know that i am a better person for the time we had together and i have definitely become a better person following our split. Sorry for the misleading information!

Aloha Rys! Just caught up on your sitch. As to your last post, Hawaii is not a true no fault state for divorce. You have to state the grounds of divorce & provide evidence or testimony to the court. It could be she's trying to find evidence of wrong doing or something to use in the courts. Just a thought. Have you sought L advice? You need to protect yourself & your future. It's not about spite or anything, just CYA.

Take care & keep moving forward

I wanted to clarify. Hawaii does have no fault divorce but you have to choose between 4 options when you file. Only 1 spouse has to agree. Reading through your posts, your WAS is probably receiving 'advice' from other military wives. Hence the retirement talk

Rys

Yeah, so far she has proved that you can not trust her, I would not trust her to play fair during the D, get a L and protect yourself.
Re-calling your sitch without reading it all I would think the fact she was 'ousted' with the A ... she may be trying to get her ducks in a row knowing that the A could come back to bite her once again during this D process ... once again that fairytale they all seem to have in their heads is very very far from the reality that is coming down the tracks.

Considering she keeps asking for money I would have to believe she is setting the D to get as much as she can in alimony or property. I have read that Hawaii allows for a S to sue the A partner for damages that resulted in D. She may be looking for someone to add to the D suit to bring a bigger payday. Be careful and get some L help right away. To me, it's looking to be a bit messy.

The thought that she is really going to try and play dirty is not a good feeling. I have done my best to take the high road at every turn. If she is planning to put it to me, i will not back down and my L is ready. I hope it doesn't come to that though. I can't imagine what more she would want from me. She has gotten everything, except my money but she makes more than i do anyhow. Kinda seems like she was completly happy knowing that i was miserable and wishing she was back with me, but now that i am over this sitch and ok with the fact she chose to leave me for another man, it seems she is no longer happy and even a bit angry at me it seems. Kinda confuses me to say the least! anyhow i am going to continue to do me. I am going on friendly dates but nothing physical or relationship wise, just connecting with people that have no ties to myself or W. But i will be extremely carefull from now on. maybe just hang with guys from here on out until the D is finalized. This whole thing just blows my mind!

Very confusing indeed. Keep being you & moving onward! If you've not been, you should check out 1st Friday before you leave.

Keep in mind she has the OM in her ear and may be sore at you for the NC order. Lust for money does crazy things to people. And if she lost her job because of her behavior as you mentioned earlier she may be in bad financial situation and need money. Just keep the high road and have a good L defense.

Rys

Its because you messed it up. She had it all figured out while in Fantasy La La land on precisely how this A would go. You went and became a stronger person and took charge of your life ... became the better option and she was faced with the reality of the situation which never lives up to the fantasy.

So either she is gathering ammo for the D, or maybe she is trying to see if there is a OW, I know mine while with OM was cool with that but not cool with the thought of me with a OW ... crazy how this all works sometimes.