Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My story pt 2

Thank you for the advice and encouragement Sandi!!



I need to constantly remind myself of this. I am an action person so I always dive head first into things; but I know that isn't how my W is going to act.



this is a perfect reminder for me. She may have had some feelings of remorse for her actions but nothing in her behavior has shown that. I also have to remind myself she had the affair! I try to think about what I would have done if this happened while we were dating and/or engaged. Never in a million years would I think I would be catering to her after such a terrible decision...i'm sure I'm not the first one to say that though.

So I haven't been texting or calling my W for the past couple of days and conversations have been minimal around the house. She texted me yesterday and said one of her girlfriends wanted to go to a waterpark on Saturday with her and my D2 and she asked if that will be a problem. I just simply responded:

"No that is fine, I can change my plans with D2 to Sunday"

she responded "You don't always have to leave the house. If you don't feel like you get quality time with her with me here I can leave."

It took a lot from me, but I didn't respond. and I have to admit it kind of felt good to leave her hanging.

She got home later that night when I was putting D2 to bed and my W bought my favorite ice cream for me and I just said thanks. she asked what me and my D2 did while she was gone and I simply said we went and ate dinner with some friends and she said "are you ever going to eat here anymore?" and I told her we had some friends (who she doesn't know) invite us over for dinner. She then said I didn't respond to her text about not always having to leave the house. I told her I don't just leave to leave, I have plans with D2 and that is why we leave. She mentioned I never really had plans before so it's hard for her to accept we are out doing other stuff and I just said "absolutely"

Later on she was going to the store and she made it a point to tell me she where she was going and that she wouldn't be gone long.

I think this shows my detachment and GAL is having some sort of affect on her. I'm not going to read into it too much, it's just nice to see that she notices, and her eyebrows are raised.

Lastly, we have our 2nd counseling session today. The counselor asked us to think of some issues we wanted to discuss and I'm still not sure what I want to say. I honestly want to ask my wife how someone so loving and caring can turn so cold, dishonest, and deceitful so fast. I doubt I will say that though. I may ask something like "I just want to know when I stopped being enough for my W" I am going to say I would rather my W bring up the issues she wants to talk about and hope that gets the ball rolling.

Well she officially filed for D. I got the papers served to me yesterday. I knew it was coming, but nothing could have prepared me for that moment. We met individually with our marriage counselor before I knew I was getting the papers served to me and my W and I spoke afterwards and she told me she had filed but she wanted to come back; not with a plan or hope of reconciliation but more to learn how to communicate with each other so we can be civil with our daughter after the divorce. I spoke with the counselor afterwards and he said it seems like she is done, she said she feels like we have grown into her parents and we have an unemotional relationship and she doesn't think I can give her what she needs emotionally. He also said she is basing her decisions on feelings, not facts or with her head. I'm sure it is cliché but I don't get it; I don't get how she can destroy our family without even giving our marriage a real shot. There was some talk about OM, and I still believe he is out of the pic but I'll have to catch everyone up on that later today.

She also brought up me being gone and taking my D2 out to see friends (detaching and GAL). I told her I was just making plans and we were invited to stuff. She started to cry and said it was hurtful because we never did stuff like that before. I replied by saying I was always so complacent just being at home with her, now that things have changed I just have to do what I think is best for me and my D2.

I feel so hopeless at this point. the DB came in the mail last night and I read some of it. but it's just tough when there doesn't even seem to be a light in this tunnel its just darkness.

When she told me she was filing she said she wanted to do what is best for our D2, but in her temporary order application she wants me to leave the house and I only get to see my D2 every other weekend and on Wednesday evenings. I don't see how that is best for my D2.

Some words of hope and encouragement would really help me out right now. If you believe in the power of prayer, I ask for that too.

Hi mate. I feel for you. I really do. I'm sorry for your pain. I don't know what to say at this point. Hopefully someone with more experience will chip in.

Man hug from across the pond.

Thanks NDY. Also, should I change any of my approach if A and OM is over?

No Idea my friend. I have no experience is that regard. Still hoping someone with experience will chip in.

Divorce is just a piece of paper and nothing really to be scared of.

Its the emotions in your head and expectations that you need to be scared of.
Good thing is that you get to CONTROL your own head, no one else gets to do that.

So I spoke with her when she told me D papers were officially filed and I said the OM is to never be at our house or with our daughter. She got a little upset and told me she was done with that relationship and she realized she didn't need the OM anymore, she was very adamant about this and I already believed that A was over.

Long story short, I went to OM house about a week ago and when she found out D2 was with me she flew off the handle and that is the straw that broke the camels back and what led her to filing for D. Ironically, she said this event is what made her realize the didn't need the OM anymore. I find it interesting the same event that led her to filing for D is the same one that made her (hopefully) finally walk away from OM.

I got served at our house, she told me the man was outside and I was holding my D2 because she was crying. I started to walk outside and my W told me to leave my D2 inside; I said "this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and the only thing that gives me comfort is holding my D2 so she is going out there with me" This was around 8PM and my W just went to her bed and stayed there the rest of the night.

Kembo -

It [censored]. I know that day is coming for me, and I hope I can react with strength and grace.

Just try to keep your chin up. There was nothing else she was going to say during your MC. Of course she thinks it's done, she filed for divorce! Remember that while filing for divorce is easy....actually BEING divorced is not. Just because it's what she thinks she wants now, doesn't mean that it's what she will want in 3 months, 6 months, a year, etc.

Just keep going down your path. You can see that it's having some effect on her. Be the man, be the father you want to be and you'll come out ok with it without her.

Thanks Matt, honestly the past couple of days have been OK. I have been taking care of myself and I can see that it does have an effect on her. Yesterday was just tough, I know the D papers are just PAPERS, but seeing it all in writing was just a tough pill to swallow

My W is the best mother ever and it just doesn't make sense, and never will, that she is willing to give up time with our D2. I don't see how a once logical person can think this is what she needs to do to find some happiness/content. She hasn't given anything an honest effort yet.

I know I need to move on, and I will. I just hope/pray that her negative hopeless attitude can change as quick as her once positive/loving attitude did. We were talking about having another kid in a few months back in December of 2014, and a few weeks later she is talking about D being an option...