Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers running around like a chicken without a head

depress - Your life is yours. Its your job as a Mother and as a Woman to live it to its fullest. With that as your goal, work towards it, one step at a time. It is very difficult in the beginning, but taking small steps everyday will help you to be less reliant on him and more self confident of your future.

Toots had a great post to you. You have to make sure that you are operating within the bounds of DB and Sandi's Rules. These things give you the best chance for success. Operate that way, even if it is an act. If you are acting, WIN AN OSCAR!

Life is tough, especially going down these roads but this is not your defining moment!

I am new to the forum but not new to MLC. My BD was a year ago although I feel he's been in crisis for much longer than that. I understand and feel your pain but he is no where near ready to know what he wants. My husband said the same thing 3 months after he left but said it was too hard to get rid of OW. He filed for divorce immediately after I contacted OW and tried to get rid of her for him! Never works. He withdrew the divorce after 5 months once I pulled back and let him have his time with her. He seems to be making strides and is reconnecting with family, children and me ( the last one). OW seems to be out of the picture but because it was mainly an online EA I'm not 100% sure it's over so my expectation is zero at this point. I do see changes in him and will continue to be strong, loving and patient. It's all you can do, nothing I did to try and changed the situation worked and in fact may have made it worse.

Stay strong

Hi Depress,

Wow, you are in such a tough situation. I completely agree with Toots' advice. You do not want to ever come across as "Plan B." You are not his safety net. But you CAN turn this around and it will take time.

I noticed that mahhhty really liked Toots' post, too. Both Toots and mahhhty, along with many others, give so much of themselves on this forum. I love them both!

I will dedicate a prayer to you after I post this.

I wish you well.

*Hugs*

Bob

thanks cadet... i heard you went out with veronica. lucky! lol

what did you do? did you go completely dark? i went dark and he came back and thats when i lost my concentration. now im having a hard time going back to being dark.

hi Bob and thanks so much. even tho i dont comment back, i really do appriciate and listen to everyones advice. its just i have a hard time of pulling back... im so afraid of him leaving again. i know its wrong, but i need to do it. as hard as it is. thanks so much for your prayers. hugs to you too

Hi Depress,

You're welcome! I know, it is counter-intuitive, isn't it? But I think it's so important you give it your best shot if you want a chance at saving your M.

I feel the same way with my W. But trying to hang on made things worse. I felt I HAD to do a 180.

Hang in there and I'll say another prayer for you in a few minutes.

C'mon....you got this.

*Hugs*

Bob is right. It's not about doing what you've always done. It's about doing what works.

Someone around here has a great Albert Einstein quote, basically saying you can't fix your problems utilizing the same thinking that created the problems.

I've been doing the 180 maybe my strategy isn't working. Lol... he says I act like I'm his high school gf. Wtf does that mean lol... thanks for the prayers. I'll be praying for you as well...

"he says I act like I'm his high school gf"

I'd ask him. I don't think that is a bad idea in anyway. Just a quick email....

Hey H - the other day you stated "he says I act like I'm his high school gf." For whatever reason, I don't understand what exactly that means. Can you please explain it? Thanks in advance.
- Depress