Hello, Boy do I feel for you. I don't want to appear like I'm taking sides, but from personal experience, I know that back problems can be very frustrating and very long lasting. I've been living with 2 bum discs in mine in the lumbar area for the better part of my adult life. I've gotten frustrated with the lack of "cure" I've been able to find, so most of the time I live with the pain.
I'm not trying to belittle your side of it, but I just wanted you to know that my back pain really dampens my desire when I'm in the grips of it. If your spouse is also battling depression and other issues....it's a recipe for a nonexistant love life! Do you think you would react differently to the lack of ML if your wife has had, say, a major operation where she shouldn't ML? What if the restriction was for one year or longer (speaking hypothetically)..would you react differently, or would you feel the same as you do now?
I guess I'm not trying to fault you for feeling rejected, just trying to give you some hope. Your spouse may feel that she simply can't handle another responsibility! (your happiness)...this isn't to say you shouldn't have it.
Can you find happiness in other tasks, events, and activities you do together? I mean, are there other activities you can enjoy together that make you feel close to one another? ie..fireplaces, beaches, dancing, movies? I know that none of these activites can replace ML, but are they things you can do to keep from losing touch with each other while you go through this tough time?
Oh I know MomX4 . . . Im not unhappy all the time. We have a great time doing other things and I am able to occupy myself most of the time doing things that I like. Its just so very hard to cope with this immediately during the first year of marriage. Like I said, I waited (literally) all of my life to enjoy this part of a married relationship and when I find that I am doing most of the work and reaping so little of the reward its very very hard not to take it badly. Its immpossible to put into words, but its a very lonely feeling.
Yes, it's got to be hard! Let me ask you, are you a Christian? During difficult times, I find faith to be a real asset. You know, God didn't bring you into this marriage to be unhappy. You are sewing all the right seeds! And it sounds like you are a very considerate person, and caring to your wife. She probably knows you are there, but is so wrapped up in herself and her own problems at this point that it's hard for her to focus on anything else. Don't take it personally. Develop your own interests and skills too, she isn't your whole life! I mean, you were a person before marriage, right? There's no reason you shouldn't still be one now. (An affair isn't an option!! Not that you'd ever consider one)
I didn't mean to say you should stop what you are doing to work on the marriage, just don't make it the only thing you are involved in. You will get burned out on it, and feel that it's a lost cause. (I think I detected that in some of your previous posts.) Be there for her, be as helpful as you can be, do the nice things, but keep your own pursuits also. In the end, I believe you will emerge as a good guy, not the guy who thought only of his own lack of ML during this. Didn't you pledge "in sickness and health" as part of your vows?
I know this must be tough in the first year. I commend your effort! Most people in your shoes would just call it quits. Keep going! Momx4
Momx4