Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Mozza (12) + Links to success stories

Good morning Mozza! I'm glad you came to the decision to sit together at the show. I didn't weigh in on the other question because i allowed myself to be treated with disrespect for a lot of years before BD. I really don't know where the appropriate line should be. I'll be reading for responses, too.

Good job Mozza. The FB trigger is a difficult one! Keep on keeping on!

Glad you took that step, Moz. Nothing positive can come from you being FB friends with her right now. Positive interactions will happen IRL or direct electronic contact, anyway.

D7 show was a success. Her father, not so much.

I didn't want to see WW. As I've explained before, the mere sight of her reignites everything in me, brings me back to BD emotionally. I find her beautiful, attractive, fun, bright, etc. I jut can't combine that in my head with what she's been doing over the last eight months. So I love her, as if nothing happened, except more because she's unattainable.

When she joined D3 and me in line, she was chatty and normal, mentioned again how she used my expertise to shine at work this week. She was trying to engage. I responded, tried to add a bit, ask a few questions, but the energy wasn't there. All I could see was that she was right there, yet there was a glass wall between us. She tried to engage a little more, but I really didn't have much to say. We sat with D3 in the middle of us and didn't talk for 5-10 minutes until the show started. She politely asked about my parents and I politely answered.

I knew I was going to be emotional because these shows do that to me. I almost always shed a tear. I'm a proud father and family man and now this was the first time since BD that all four of us were together. It was a lot for me to bear, this pretend family. So when the lights went out and the show started, my eyes welled up. After a few minutes, the tears rolled down my face. I thought I was real subtle, but then WW turned towards me and asked if I wanted a tissue... Note that D7 was nowhere in sight and wouldn't appear on stage for another 40 minutes or so. There's been a lot more silent crying in the two hours, with greater intensity when D7 was on stage of course. The show was so impressive (Les Miz!).

When the show was over, we didn't talk much either, just some logistics, we went to see D7 and then WW left with a distant goodbye. D3 especially was upset to see her go. Both kids missed their mom when they went to sleep. I'm not used to it (our no-contact policy works well) and it was upsetting for me as well. I had a horrible evening with lots of crying, but I chatted with my best friend and called my parents. Now, I live to fight another day.

I'm not proud of myself. I go around these boards telling people how all of this is unattractive, that they have to be strong, put up an act. I'm put to the test once in months and I can't keep it together. I didn't DB last night. Oh, I know: no single act can sink my case. But I also know that you can't accumulate strikes or goals against and hope to win the game. I really wish I didn't slip last night.

I need to detach but no amount of GALing seems to work when she's in front of me. It's like Superman lifting weights to protect against kryptonite.

Simple pursuit and distance.
She distances and your desire for her increases.

Crazy the way that works.

I dunno Mozza, I'm in total agreement with you about the advisability of projecting strength but I also think there is a time and place for everything and I don't think there's any issue with showing sentiment at your child's event. I wouldn't worry about that one too much.

And as to her being your kryptonite - I don't know that detachment is a 24/7 proposition either (until years have gone by, I would guess). I see STBX for a grand total of maybe 10 minutes a week - sometimes less. When he's not around, I'm fine and reasonably content with life. But it's still painful to actually see him and be reminded of all that has changed. And possibly because these interactions are so infrequent - they feel more intense. Of course- I don't desire my STBX and while I don't want to be melodramatic - I'm actually a little repulsed by him at the moment - so that probably makes our interactions less emotionally taxing than yours.

As (bad) luck would have it, I ran into WW and OM for the first time today. It was my first time even seeing him since she announced him as her BF, in November. I was biking to my dance class (looking good, I think) and they were biking the opposite way. She flashed a big smile and waved at me and I made a surprise face (genuine) and a smile (less so). OM was just behind her and his face is what's imprinted in my mind from the encounter. It was the first time, again, that I saw them as a couple. It hit may maybe an hour later during my class, and I got lost in my thoughts and pain. I think I've had enough for the week.

cadet | Yes, very much, indeed.

raliced | Thanks for putting this into perspective. I cried long before D7 showed up, so it probably looked like I was sad about something else. At the same time, I've no idea what she actually thought of it and I can't spend too much time on it. What worries me is to cry at the mediation sessions. Part of me thinks it's impossible because I'm under control in public, but last night makes me doubt. I have to visualize the whole thing going well.

And does this make your advice any less valid or assuring to those who have come to respect you here?

Big hugs Mozza.....it's hard at moments like that to be stronge. I don't blame you for feeling emotional.

Cadet is right about the pursuit and distance.

Keep busy and GAL. Hopefully you won't have to be face to face again for a while.

Mozz, you are doing great. Don't worry about tears at the show, they are a medal of a proud dad and have nothing to do with the WAW.

Hang in there buddy...