Big hugs hon. I am sorry that things weren't as rosy as she hoped with her boyfriend. I hope she can stay strong and can see that she does need to use caution with alcohol as she may be predisposed to alcoholism since her dad has those issues.
Be her support and let her know that things can get nipped now before she gets in too deep.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks to each of you for your sound advice. I've always been worried about her predisposition to alcohol. It's so hard to tell when they are in the "Partying" years.
She was not so snobby after work. We talked for a bit. She is always worried about $. She pays a lot in rent. Now her brakes are shot. Needs new tires too. So I mentioned maybe she needs a new car.
She had thought she didn't want to look after Ryan this winter as it so disrupts her life - staying at my house. But it also helps pay her bills. So I suggested maybe that would help her pay for a new car. And with zero percent financing & lower payments - it might work for her.
So I suggested she check out cars online & it created a pleasant diversion for her. Hopefully she & I can go out tonight to look at a few & enjoy some dinner.
Kind of a weird way to help her get through this but Josh drove her car the other day when we picked her up & he said it was in terrible shape. Strange as it's an 07 - not that old. But after you pay for tires & brakes - you could have made a year of car payments.
One day at a time. She was also very stressed on the job yesterday. She had 10 times the night deposits they usually get (holiday weekend in our tourist town) & dealt with dozens of customers. She thought she wasn't doing a good job & that added to her lunchtime meltdown. But at the end of the day - her supervisor came to her & told her she did awesome. (She did not know about the breakup) so that's really helped her. Amazing what some encouragement can do.
I'm sure her BF has good intentions of getting better. Only time can tell. If not - he has a rough life ahead. I just don't want her in it.
addicts/abusers always "mean it" but they tend to be impulsive people and therefore without help don't usually make it. Her love isn't gonna get him through. If his plan is "I'll just stop" then she needs to run like the wind 'cuz he won't...guaranteed!
Wii - I was interested in your take on it. What made you stop?
My ex "stopped" or so he said. But interestingly - weird things kept happening. He insisted he wasn't drinking but he had a few blackouts. And accidents. And a mini stroke...
Right after the split my son confronted me with his "Finds". Bottles. Lots n lots of bottles. So it goes. Now he tells the kids he drinks socially. Ya right,
Oh, Barb... I haven't been here in awhile, so I missed this. I think this scenario is what every parent fears for their daughters. I'm so sad to read this. I'm even sadder to read that Ashley wants to give him a chance. I pray for her safety.
I don't need to tell you the grim stats on this dynamic. Unless he's in cognitive behavior therapy, the chances are slim to none that he will change. There are so many resources on line for domestic abuse. I'd urge her to read up so she knows the signs and what to do. I guess that's all you can do?
Hugs and love,
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Bets - she called me at lunch today. Always worries about her job performance despite getting lots of kudos. So we talked about cars instead. Interesting - she did not mention BF once.
I am picking her up from work & have arranged some test drives then we will go for dinner. I guess we shall see how that goes.
