Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Hi she is not feeling "it" anymore

It is the attitude of a WW, b/c she isn't remorseful for her A.

She feels she tried so many times in the past to work on the MR, and now she doesn't have what it takes to continue. You, on the other hand, are ready & willing to go to work on it. The timing is off, and that is the story with all these cases.

I strongly suggest you stop having relationship discussions at this time, b/c it will not fix anything. Most times, it leads to more arguments and ends badly.

I am going to continue with life and not bring up any R talk.
What if she asks?
Engage but hold back, validate her feelings only.

Feeling good today
Detaching is going well
Enjoying time with my kids
Enjoying ME time

Now she said in the past i never communicated with her but i had changed that over the last 7 months, by pulling back i wonder if she will think i have gone back to my old ways?

hey Mrrch,

you seem to be doing quite well. my W is about same age as yours. I think there is also an element of experiencing her 20's that she missed out on. But as my mum et al have pointed out - in their generation it was the norm to marry 19-21 and kids soon after. So NO excuse really.

i dont think you can afford to be 2nd guessing yourself re: the pulling back on communication issue. Its hard to know if she will interpret as such, and really you should be able to point out that "hey - you created this sitch", but WWs are not subject to reason or remembering anything that doesn't please them.

Thanks for the encouragement.
Last night she asked for a favour, i politely said no.
She had to tell the kids about my brother's cat dying and told me it was sad, my son cried.
But hey, she separating should be easy (face palm)!

If she asks anytime soon, it will be her trying to push you into an argument or to get you to leave, or something along those line. Usually, by the time a woman is ready to walk, she's through with the "talks" as a way to fix things. Just be on guard if she starts bringing up anything. Just listen, and if she doesn't keep it respectful, leave her space.



I think nearly every H has asked that question. What would have worked to improve your MR in the past, won't work to repair what's broken now. As you said, you changed that the past 7 months and it didn't stop her from wanting out of the M. She is done. It will take a different approach to things, at this time. Even if she decides to throw this non-communication in your face, she doesn't really care about anything but what she gains out of the situation.

Some women may like for the H to be talkative and act as if they are chums. She may like him for her "friend", but she doesn't want him for a lover. I'm not saying you should never have anything to say! Just stay balanced and realize DBing is counterproductive.

i think Sandi meant counterintuitive not counterproductive

I thought so

I think she did too! When my IPad auto spelled the wrong word, I even went back and changed it once. I wish these auto spells would stop trying to be my brain, I have enough trouble without its help.

A few observations about W's behaviour.
Looks miserable and tired
Usually has pajamas on early after dinner
Seems to have a reason to text me when I go out
When she goes out it is not for long,returns earlier than I expect
When playing with the kids it seems over the top
She continues to be obessed with her phone even when playing with the kids

I told my kids that if mommy is on her phone and not playing with you tell her how it makes you feel.

PS I had a great day with the kids yesterday