Ok guys. Chime in. Everyone knows of my setbacks and especially my latest one.
Here is what I have noticed what has worked and what has been detrimental to my progress this last month or so:
What's worked:
The 180s of spending a lot of quality time with my children and being the best father I am capable of being.
Being helpful around my house when I am there without telling my W and having no expectations of praise or recognition.
Not engaging in any other type of talk except for pleasant small talk or discussions surrounding the children.
Leaving my W alone when it comes to pursuit: be it seeking reassurances or questions about her new found social life
What hasn't worked: Begging.
Pursuing.
Seeking reassurance.
Asking any questions about what she is up to.
Snooping.
I think I need to not go dark but go dim for a few weeks and reassess. Continue the 180s that have been working. But let go of control. Don't contact her at all unless it is about children time. If she texts me don't answer right away unless it is an emergency. If she texts me about something other than the childrenand isn't an emergency don't even answer her back. Start going out with friends once a week instead of playing babysitter for her when she wants to go out.
Ok guys. Chime in. Everyone knows of my setbacks and especially my latest one.
Here is what I have noticed what has worked and what has been detrimental to my progress this last month or so:
What's worked:
The 180s of spending a lot of quality time with my children and being the best father I am capable of being.
Being helpful around my house when I am there without telling my W and having no expectations of praise or recognition.
Not engaging in any other type of talk except for pleasant small talk or discussions surrounding the children.
Leaving my W alone when it comes to pursuit: be it seeking reassurances or questions about her new found social life
What hasn't worked: Begging.
Pursuing.
Seeking reassurance.
Asking any questions about what she is up to.
Snooping.
I think I need to not go dark but go dim for a few weeks and reassess. Continue the 180s that have been working. But let go of control. Don't contact her at all unless it is about children time. If she texts me don't answer right away unless it is an emergency. If she texts me about something other than the childrenand isn't an emergency don't even answer her back. Start going out with friends once a week instead of playing babysitter for her when she wants to go out.
So have you taken a look at what the source of your fear is?
By this I mean, is it a fear of your being rejected? Is it that you are afraid that you failed in your marriage? Could it be that you are afraid any future relationship will not be as good as your current marriage? Or perhaps a fear of the unknown?
Are you able to define what your fear is, and where it is coming from?
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
