"You know the tragic thing about divorce? I think we are kinder to each other now than we were together and work better as a team dividing and conquering tasks than ever before. It's sad. I miss you and will always love you. "
Quick, how should I respond?
I think I should say something like: "Thanks. It is tragic. I agree with what you said."
Thoughts?
I have received the same text. I responded with "There are no winners here, only losers."
I'm sure part of you wants to (figuratively) shake her and say "Then why are we doing this? Let's make it work", but that is the wrong approach. She has to come to the decision for reconciliation on her own, doesn't she? It just astounds me that they have these thoughts, and can't see that it was their actions that initiated the process in the first place!
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Wow - just like you told me "I would prepare you for your W initially missing you."
Looks like that's coming true for you. Keep it up! It's really motivating to see the actions you've taken come this far - especially the changes you are making for yourself!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
"You know the tragic thing about divorce? I think we are kinder to each other now than we were together and work better as a team dividing and conquering tasks than ever before. It's sad. I miss you and will always love you. "
Quick, how should I respond?
I think I should say something like: "Thanks. It is tragic. I agree with what you said."
Thoughts?
I have received the same text. I responded with "There are no winners here, only losers."
I'm sure part of you wants to (figuratively) shake her and say "Then why are we doing this? Let's make it work", but that is the wrong approach. She has to come to the decision for reconciliation on her own, doesn't she? It just astounds me that they have these thoughts, and can't see that it was their actions that initiated the process in the first place!
Kramer, I know! It's tough to just sit on your hands here but it really is the right approach.
Originally Posted By: Ripken8
Wow - just like you told me "I would prepare you for your W initially missing you."
Looks like that's coming true for you. Keep it up! It's really motivating to see the actions you've taken come this far - especially the changes you are making for yourself!
Rip, thanks for the encouragement. Just gotta keep on keeping on!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
So I reply to STBX's above text about two hours later with:
"Yeah, I agree that really is the tragic part."
W replies immediately with:
"I love you. I hope you always know it."
I haven't replied and not sure I need to.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
You don't. She is trying to assuage her guilt. She may love you, but is not interested in working on the relationship at this point in time. Don't pursue. Remain steadfast and true to your principles, without being judgmental or angry.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
You don't. She is trying to assuage her guilt. She may love you, but is not interested in working on the relationship at this point in time. Don't pursue. Remain steadfast and true to your principles, without being judgmental or angry.
Kramer, Good advice! I will remain on my present course. I agree that STBX has expressed zero interest in working on our relationship (but MIGHT be softening) so it would be foolhardy for me to pursue her at this time.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Kramer, Good advice! I will remain on my present course. I agree that STBX has expressed zero interest in working on our relationship (but MIGHT be softening) so it would be foolhardy for me to pursue her at this time.
Hello Defacto.
Kramer gave you excellent advice. I'm happy to hear you decided to remain on your present course.
Good for you, my friend.
I'll say a prayer dedicated to your sitch in a few minutes.
Keep up the good work!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob, Thanks for checking in and offering your support!
Journaling:
STBX called last night to tell me she overslept so her parents were going to bring the kids over to my house. She's clearly still relying on her parents for basic things. I guess that's one of the perks of living with your parents when you're 30 years old. We will see how she handles the day to day stuff now that her parents left for a week long cruise this morning.
Later that night, she texted to see how the kids were doing. I responded with "Great!" She asked me to give them kisses from her. I didn't respond.
At 11:30pm she called but I let it ring.
This morning, she called after her work shift. We talked about the kids and joked about how S1 keeps putting his hand down the front of his diaper. Boys will be boys! She asked what we were going to do today and wished us a fun day. I began to say my goodbyes but STBX started to share a story from work. I listened and laughed with her a bit. Then, I wished her some rest and said goodbye.
Sorry, not much to report. Today is the first day of vacation so I'm looking forward to some time to just relax and spend with the kiddos. Tonight, the kids and I are sleeping over at my best friend's house. His wife offered to watch the kids while he and I grab a couple of beers. I'm sure we will end up spinning some records into the wee hours!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Not completely caught up with you sitch but I've been reading most the recent posts here and there. It's rough knowing they love you still, but the sad truth is love doesn't keep M's together forever. My W won't say it to me but I hear it from others. Even if they do love us, they aren't showing signs they want to work on the M so we keep doing what we need to do for ourselves.
My W lately is keeping small talk also about work, not exactly sure why but it can be frustrating. Try not to gain too many expectations about her speaking with you. It's unlikely she's speaking to you for a reason you think,but it is possible down the road it could lead to her softening,just don't expect it now.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Not completely caught up with you sitch but I've been reading most the recent posts here and there. It's rough knowing they love you still, but the sad truth is love doesn't keep M's together forever. My W won't say it to me but I hear it from others. Even if they do love us, they aren't showing signs they want to work on the M so we keep doing what we need to do for ourselves.
My W lately is keeping small talk also about work, not exactly sure why but it can be frustrating. Try not to gain too many expectations about her speaking with you. It's unlikely she's speaking to you for a reason you think,but it is possible down the road it could lead to her softening,just don't expect it now.
Fogg, Thanks for the advice. I agree 100%. I keep checking myself to make sure I have no expectations and I try hard not engage in mind reading. I have to be honest that sometimes I dread talking with STBX, but then I will wonder if she's going to call. What a crazy paradox!
I need to keep reminding myself that any resolution in my sitch, whether D or reconciliation, is a long, long time from now. Thanks for the encouragement and best of luck to you in your sitch!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
