Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Letting Go Part III

Closing in on dropping that rope, realizing its been tied around my neck the whole time dragging me alone. Have to un-do the knot first and figure out why and how it got there. Other than that, I'm good

Glad to hear it Fogg. Drop the rope when you can.

As for me, dropping the rope, some days are better than others, I can't lie. I can go for a few days thinking I can do this, and then I get an email or text and I simply fall apart. Does that ever happen to you?

I think more than anything I woulc appreciate consistency in my emotions. I am not asking to be "super happy or high" all the time, but just middle of the road I will settle for.

The more time progresses, themore I think about my situation logically and realize how much I gave up to the marriage, things that I would not do now. So, in that respect, I feel better about myself and the DB process. I hope you feel that way too.

Fingers crossed for you Fogg.

All the time, I see W every day so there's always something I notice that makes me think too much, which leads me to fall apart inside. Just today, she came home from work and took a nap. After she napped she came downstairs and started a conversation with me all about her new job and what shes been doing, very talkative. Its been more than a month since shes done this, why now again?

Then I get to thinking about the FB conversations I seen this week with her being physical with OM and how he choose the GF and they are done. Over-thinking things too much, I've been down this path before and it led to nothing.

I actually do feel that way also about the DB process. This last day in fact I've rethought a major aspect of how I view what W is going through, and the reality of this situation,and our life together before. Going to type that up later today. Basically goes into why I'm still stuck on her and some of the questions I just don't like asking myself.

We'll get there eventually, no one said this was easy, but its do-able. Our emotions might not be consistent day to day, but if you look at the bigger picture we are getting to a better place. Like the yo-yo going up the stairs.

Jeez Fogg

That would be really hard to live with your W if she is doing that. I feel for you. That must be very very hard. On the other hand, at least she is at home. Mine left as soon as she started the A with the circus freak. I have no idea what she is up to except that it's not with me but her. Urgh.

As for us and the rest of us fools on the DB site, I don't know, seems so pointless some days and other days we think - I got this!

I try to follow the advice of the board and books, not always successful but I try.

Keep up the hard work my friend. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope you will do the same for me and my family.

Thank you, and of course I will also

I am going to spend the weekend putting my kids year's long worth of school work into their scrap books. This should keep me busy for at least a day or two.

Previously, this was not my domain.

Guess whose job this used to be? Now, it's like it all of their accomplishments don't even exist.

Heavy, hang in there. I move out in two weeks and while there will be times going dark and dropping the rope will be tough and Lonley, it's gotta be better than being in the same place where she's actively pursuing the affair and every day choosing him over me/our family.

It gives both of us an opportunity to miss and reflect what we were, are and will be. Is that anything either of us want? Couldn't tell ya. However, as dark as it may seem, you always have us. Think of how far you've come and what you've learned.

Imagine what you'll be like 2-3 months from mow

So now I have turned my kids over for the week. I left it as "I kow you will have a great week. Mommy loves you and I will see you Monday for scouts to D6 and then pick up on Friday. I love you" and they bound out of the car to school. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces every time I have to say goodbye for a week.

My W continues to pursue the A even though she has told family that it won't lead anywhere. My W is alone most of the time, so what emotional connection can she possibly get from this? She broke up 2 families, for this part time, non monogamous life style. I continue to be baffled and dissapointed in her choices.

For me, I have a lot of GAL lines up for the week, working out, IC, meeting with friend for supper, rearranging house, bike rides etc... Trying to stay busy and occupied.

I swear as long as I live, I will never truly understand this but I guess it is not for me to understand. There are many things in life I don't understand and I will add this to my pile.

Taking the advice of others on this board, I have been more upbeat in my responses, but it's still very strained. She coninues to lie to me about silly things and I just acccept them for what they are. As long as it doesn't hurt the kids there is nothing I can do about it.

Hello Heavy,

I think it's great that you have a lot of GAL activities lined up. Woo Hoo!

As for never truly understanding, I think you're right. I struggle with this almost daily. I keep reminding myself it's in God's hands and there's not much I can do about my sitch except to keep on working on myself.

Try to hang in there and have some fun this coming weekend and week!

Bob

So you wanting to know the latest development in my sitch?

Crickets....... silence.....nothing.....

I have gone dark, she has gone dark, only communication is through text or gmail and that is kid related only.

The quietness is downright spooky. Still, always deep down is the fear that I am driving her further and further and further away from me with my non pursuit.

I have read Solo Partner and again, no pursuit, so that is what I am doing. I am not a 100% pursurer but probably for the last few years I have been in pursuit even though I did not know it.

Upon reflection she was giving me messages that indidcated she wanted distance.

#1. Why don't you go out with your friends (a meet up in Las Vegas with high school friends from 30 years ago). I said Meh. She even said I am ready for you to take a vacation.

#2. She started going out with the much younger crowd - work folks for happy hours more and more. I didn't say anything becuase I was respecting her need for "space". I stayed home with the kids, put them bed, etc and settled in with a good book on those nights.

#3. She volunteered constantly, I even got a fridge magnet that said "Stop me before I volunteer again" and we laughed about it. Looking back, clearly she was wanting space even though she did not acknowledge it. She was gone from the house a lot on volunteering projects - chuch, school, work, you name it, she volunteered for it and even volunteered me for it until I asked her to not do that. I would volunteer for what I wanted to and treasured my off time - meaning of work time.

#4. We stopped carpooling to work and pick up drop off kids. It was just too stressful trying to get us all corralled. So I did the morning run and she did the afternoon pick ups. I thought it was working pretty well, but again, this is clearly distancing behavior on her part.

#5. She complained about the heaviness of kids wearing her down and how hard it was to do thing. We were referred to on several occassions as her long term obligations.

So many missed clues Urgh! She is probably relishing all of this freedom now (mindreading I know).