Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Toot Toot - here I come!

Hello Dear Toots,

Thank you so much for posting twice on my thread when I needed it most. I replied to you on my thread but wanted to thank you again! You brought a huge smile to my face.

What would I do without you?

I wanted to see the latest on your sitch. It's good to hear that you are keeping busy.

You have a good weekend, too.

(((Toots)))

Hi toots

Thanks for your post on my thread, now I'm not deliriously tired how's it going with you?

Hi Edz - you're welcome. I'm doing okay thanks. I'm still a bit tired from the elections marathon, but had a quietish afternoon and evening yesterday. Today I'm mum-sitting and she and I are watching the VE Day concert this afternoon, which is very good. There's a weird thing happening with their fireplace and I have rescued five bees from behind the fire guard so far!

I'm doing a bit of work too, as I have a couple of meetings this week - the first more challenging things I have had to do, so I'm a little anxious and hoping all will go okay.

In terms of my sitch, all is quiet and I think I'm just going to run with that for a little while. I feel that if I push things at the moment, we just edge closer to D. I'm not sure if H is in MLC and will be one of those MLCers who mentions D, but doesn't actually initiate it. Or whether he will get on with it and I'll have to respond. I guess time will tell, but I'm just focusing on my own stuff right now. I'm not sure about the whole pursuit and distance thing in our sitch - we just feel like distance and distance you know? It's staggering that H and I have been in a loving R for 10 + years and now we have barely spoken for months. Oh well - not much I can do. Just feeling a bit tired and meh today I guess. I'll be fine...

RD,and Bob, thanks for stopping by too xx

Hi (((((toots))))) you'll be more than fine as you are already fantastic. Keep tootling and relax matey.



Edz

Hi Toots your sounding a wee bit down. I see you all over the boards and you offer such sound and helpful advice. Isn't it weird how it's hard to take your own advice sometimes ? We all tell each other to be patient and detach and let the outcome be what is will be but its so hard. I feel like it's very hard for you because your H says such goods things about you. It's so hard to understand what he's thinking because as an outsider I feel no doubt that he will regret his choices and realise what a terrible mistake he has made. I truly hope it's sooner rather than later that he comes to his senses Toots you have a very full life and I admire how you stand for your M

Good luck tomorrow Toots Take care. Rd. xx

A big resounding YES from me, Toots. It's so hard to know what to do in situations like ours. (((Toots)))

Hi Toots.

How are you feeling today? Did you have a good day in the office?

Im going to suggest that the 'meh' feeling was at least in part due to being tired but having said that 'meh' is quite a good reaction all things considered. Have you recovered from election duties yet?

I do absolutely do get what you mean by distance and distance though, despite my situation being very different. when you think about, or least when i do - its just all a bit weird. as a adjunct i do sometimes wonder what would happen if both sides of a M were on these boards but didnt know it and/or recognise the other side - like for example what would we all be telling your H if he was posting about your situation, would we all just be encouraging distance.....

Back to reality about the D, with your H as he is i would say just ignore everything he has said and concentrate on what you want to do. You talked about a financial settlement because its good for you, he said a divorce but then hasnt done anything, but you also seem to have backed off from the financial bit (or have i missed that)

Your H will do what your H will do but i genuinely dont think he is deliberately trying to make things worse for you - I'm going to guess he is scared and lonely and confused but trying to look strong and determined (totally mindreading here I know)

I guess what im trying to say is that Toots needs to look after herself and its actions that count. From what you've said that means getting the financials sorted so that you can properly build your life where you are now around all the great stuff you've been doing. He might progress the D at the same time but he might not but you can leave that bit to him

Either way in the long run it wont stop your H coming back to you should he choose to do so.

Anyway know you are great and a really positive influence on the people around you - including us lot

Have a great day at work tomorrow and I hope the challenging new stuff goes well

Toots

Its taken me a while to finally visit and read up on your sitch some. You have commented in my sitch several times since I joined and I appreciate the support.

Not much I can really add other than it looks like your doing great. Having your H tell you he still loves you I'm sure is quite frustrating. I'm told by a mutual friend my W still loves me, but isn't the same as it once was. I wouldn't know what to do if she were to tell me to my face yet still continue down the path shes doing. Keep being awesome.

Thanks Gan, Jim & Fogg. Gan....many similarities for us in NC terms! Thanks Jim. I'm just not sure on financials. I'd like to be sorted, but I don't need to be. I feel it pushes us closer to D & I may not be ready to do that...I'll give it some more thought & see what unfolds I think.

Fogg, thanks for visiting. I think you post a lot of sense, so I'm glad you stopped by. It is frustrating, but I try not to go there too much. He loves me, but we've only spoken twice since September. Worlds apart right now...

Sorry to be brief all - busy day & typing on phone. I'll catch up when I'm home again. X

Hi Toots Just reading the above comments and as you say your not ready to push anything so why would you. I think we all feel the frustrating part but it's how we chose to deal with it Your life seems pretty full and you are getting on with everything so status quo seems to be the way to go.

Your H seems far from settled and appears to be chasing a dream. At some point he must realise that it's just that , a dream

Good to hear your busy. Take care. Rd xx