Seven weeks ago I finally pursued my husband for answers and the answer I got was "my son is most important to me. I am just not happy and we will not work out" by the next day it was talk of the big D. We went to counseling and he was open. By the next session he was opposed. We spent 4 weeks in discernment counseling for him to decide if he was willing to work on marriage. At the end he has decided he is willing to work on parenting our 4yo but still feels it is over.
Where I struggle is in his waffling. He won't touch me for weeks then he gives me a hug and says I look nice. He goes out until 2am and come home to say he is sorry. Then the next day initiates a convo around how he is just not sure he is willing to try. We have a great day with son. He sleeps in the guest room then returns to our room the next night. I am 180ing and TLR as much as I can. The counselor who recommended DR to me is helpful but isn't positive the good steps are intentional. Did this happen to you? H out then in then out. Looking for hope that it is a positive sign even if the words aren't there.
M:34 H:34 S:4 I love you's:2004 Married: 2008 BD: March 2015 EA revealed: May 2015
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just remember that he is as confused and scared as you are. Just because he SAYS something doesn't make it true. Take this time and focus on you and let him work on his own issues. Let him see the best you you can be and he won't have a choice but to stay.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Kill me again. Yesterday I found his text history of the 21yo girl he is in love with. He is 35!!! We had a huge break down last night. Then some caring conversations around it. Now he is back to distant and telling me not to be mad at the girl.
This is so trying. Thanks for the posts.
M:34 H:34 S:4 I love you's:2004 Married: 2008 BD: March 2015 EA revealed: May 2015
Greetings I am only two months in to hearing it is over. This week I learned of his emotional affair. Hurting here! We are in counseling and what keeps coming up is that he loves me and cares for me but he always wants to be happy and he just in at sure we can be happy together.
He is afraid I can't forgive him for his bad choices. Afraid I can't let the anger go (which hasn't surfaced until the affair). It seems he is not willing to work on the marriage because he is so hurt and scared. I think we are a great candidate to be BUSTED! He wants to work on becoming friends for my 4yo son. We go to counseling weekly and after counseling we both agree we feel better and have a wonderfully pleasant night.
This is where I need help. I can so quickly spiral in to fear that he is talking to HER. Fear that I am wasting my time. Fear that he will still walk away. I need you tips and support on how you stay positive.
One in, one out and a 4yo Son in the mix. Living together in the same house with no alone time to get through the pain.
M:34 H:34 S:4 I love you's:2004 Married: 2008 BD: March 2015 EA revealed: May 2015
I keep repeating "just remember he is as scared and confused as you are" that definitely shows. He even agrees. He just doesn't have the faith we can work it out. Carrying the load solo here. Glad I can hop on here and see your responses.
M:34 H:34 S:4 I love you's:2004 Married: 2008 BD: March 2015 EA revealed: May 2015
