Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers a young man with hope II

Hi Lnlyship

Its ok to feel low and feel lonely - just not to wallow there.

You arent on your own, remember that, and dont try and do this on your own thats what leaves the door open for the drinking to excess, gambling or whatever other vice finds its way in.

Your friends might not understand what your going through (unfortunately around 40% will someday) but that doesnt mean they arent there for you and that doesnt mean if you ask them to help you that they wont - you just need to be willing to ask, because i'm willing to bet the real friends (and some strangers even) want to help you through this.

One of the things you'll read a lot (here and in books) is that expectations and unmet needs are a lot of what sits behind all our various difficulties. But this is good in that there is a fix - dont have expectations and if you have an unmet need find a way to meet it yourself or ask for what you need

makes its sound so easy

As for tips, Exercise, eat well and GAL, GAL, GAL - it might feel a bit empty, like your just filling time but its better than wallowing.

Have a good day.

My Man we have all been there. When I don't have the kids I struggle with motivation in the morning, I have already gone through a drinking phase, and honestly for awhile I wasn't really sure that I would be okay.

But I will be, and so will you. You will be just fine. You have found this board. You have worked hard, taking a proactive approach to work through mental baggage.

My X and I moved 4 hrs from our jobs, designed and built a house, and had two kids here in my hometown and next to her hometown. Years later bring us to the bomb drop and her leaving. Similar to your life and story, this house is something similar to an emotional prison, which I deal with daily. But the trials and tribulations we go through make us stronger, if dealt with appropriately. Continue to march to the beat of your own drum, continue to be truthful to yourself and be the responsible Father and Dad to your wonderful boy, and you will be alright. If willing, we all have the life we want, own your life!

With that being said. You mentioned a lot of interaction between yourself and her via text. I'd re-read Sandi's latest post about LBH and WW. It seems that you are making yourself available to her all the time. Remember, she didn't want a future with you, that is why she left.

One thing I understand from her thread, is that it is important that she works her way down the ladder on her own without you there as a safety net. It sounds like it is already starting to hit her slightly.

Lnly - How are you and your boy doing?

Thank you all for your responses and advice. It makes me feel great that so many of you took the time out of your day to address my ramblings and provide such great support. Thank you mahhhty for checking up on me.

I'm still here - sometimes I just find it hard to post on this site. I've been actively avoiding thinking or talking about my sitch. I think its likely a subconscious effort to pull myself out of depression, but it could possibly be that I'm still in some form of denial. Better to be on autopilot than to be sad all the time, I guess. That's probably counterproductive but I just couldn't keep dwelling on it. I realize that the "solution" is to face my problems and revert back to my original motivation of getting healthy, GAL, and keeping a PMA - the problem now is finding the drive. She isn't going to come back no matter what I do. The bridge is burnt.

S seems to be doing good. His mother took him to go see his cousin in another town who had to have hernia surgery and they all went to the zoo. She suggested that the two of us take him to the aquarium for his birthday because the fish were his favorite part. I think he will have a lot of fun.

Things between she & I have been up and down. Somedays she will sit outside with me for a few minutes when I pick him up and I will try and make her laugh. Somedays she will text me funny pictures of him (which I usually don't respond to). Typically interactions between us range from positive to neutral and when they are neutral, it is because of me. I will show up to pick up S, quietly tuck him in the car and speak only when necessary - not angrily, just calmly and quietly. On those days, I just want to get him and go because I am hurting.

We had a bit of a spat the other day. She was dropping hints about going over to see her friend on Saturday. I asked her if she was going to ask me to switch or just continue to drop hints, which I feel is a manipulative act on her part. My thinking is that she won't ask so that if I volunteer to switch on my own - she won't have had to ask me for anything and if I don't, she can just go on assuming I would have said no anyway. We both get angry and some harsh things are said. Eventually we work it out to a calmer place, but I called later that night to apologize. I think we are okay now. But one line in particular sticks out to me. I told her through text, "I don't understand why things can't be good between us all of the time," to which she responded "Me either".

Oh well.
- ship

Life will go on, and you will be better for this experience... IF you want to be. Perhaps look at your situation as a Case Study. It is no longer you and her, but two people. Dissect the situation to learn as much as you can and I PROMISE it will be less like an emotional burden and more like a book you hard to read once.

Hello ship.

I understand avoiding thinking or talking about your sitch, I was the same way, too.

One person who really got me motivated to post more is mahhhty. And, by the way, I have to agree with his response to you.

Hang in there...we are rooting for you.

Bob

Ship

It really is tough stuff to handle, and I suspect you may be the youngest on the board (or close to it). I try not to forget that as I think of you as mature, which you are just less experience as you have been with WW for a long time.

The growth here for you will make you the absolute best dad for your son. So every effort you make now will repay you many fold in the future. I watch for your posts and am glad that there are male influences here supporting you.

This is no longer easy journey and I want to offer you a hug.

((((((((Ship))))))))

V

I never thought of that, but V is definitely right! I wouldn't have been able to handle what you have done already at your age of 22. You are a father, a student, and a caring husband. You are a very strong man!

You are already a stronger person bc of this. Continue to learn and grow, your possibilities are endless!

Ship - How is your Son? And how are You?