Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I thought everything was okay....(Part 5)

Went to the IC this morning. She's definitely sees the change to being detached and comfortable. We talked about the tax run in and the anger that WW has. She had a few good points about things to think about proceeding forwarded. Basically said that if I don't really want D, understand WW needs to get help as well as understanding I'm willing to be patient, she asked about what my next step is. In the end,we talked about next appt and she said, "MCS, why don't you just call me if you think you need to. I got the feeling she realizes I'm in a good spot right now with MCS.

Took S5 (almost S6!) and D4 out with our good friends whom he plays with for dinner and Ice Cream since he'll be with WW during his Bday this weekend. He had a blast, I got him what he wanted and he was so excited. Told me it was the best day ever. I'm smiling on that one. He keeps asking about a party. I asked WW a while ago about it and WW says she wasn't going to have one, so I'm trying to figure out the best approach since I just have him during the school week.

The trick is that it isn't a trick. It's a state of mind.

Perhaps you will like this better: "The dude abides, man."

-PM

Love that PM

We English don't do awesome , we do OK (which means the same). We do like cool or cute.

V

Be a trendsetter. Be awesome.

-PM

MCS

You have whAt Cadet refers to as the gift of time.

This type of WW seems to disintegrate if their fantasy OM is not on his white charger and playing his role. It muddles them and confuses. They appear stuck on the fantasy because that is what it is. For others I think the OM is a stepping stone to freedom rather than the instigator of it.

It is as if some WS see the moon and want it, so climb through the window. others use the moon as a light for darkness to sneak away. They have their bags packed. WS can never own the moon, it is endlessly waxing, waning and changing. Sometimes there is an eclipse of it. It can not sustain new growing life. Dreams disappear when the sun rises.

When the moon disappears the first type pines for the moon and feels lost in lunacy. The sunlight shines on their bed head hair and pjs. The other type puts on their day clothes and goes whistling down the road looking for adventure.

MCS it is no use going looking for WW with your lantern to bring her home, the next time the moon is free, WW will chase it again. WW will need to be with you in the sun, there is a reason we can't see the moon in the sunlight, the moon is only reflecting the Suns light, it has no power of light as its own.

MCS, you are the earth, one day lets hope she will see it and know that the moon she craves is only reflections of the sun. It is a dead planet satellite around the earth. That WW will want to be grounded and living in the true light of day with the bounty that the earth provides.

V

V what a powerful posting! Thank you for sharing!

V,

Thank you and what you said in here is actually how I feel about the sitch right now. I still care for her and hate seeing her go through this, but until she wants to change its not going to get better. It's so painful, all of the people that care for her see it, but we're all helpless to do anything. I pray that she will see that if she gets help, she can be happy with herself. Whether in the future that includes me or not, I don't know. However, she's still a Mom and I hope for the kids she gets to that point.

I see now that this has went on for a while, but she didn't let me in to how she felt. She was in the dark, I was in the light. She 'played' along with being 'happy,' I'm guessing, because her secrets were too much, I don't know. But, she was struggling, didn't show it and I'm sure that it became really annoying that I was content. That's where the resentment came in of me.

Anyway, for me. I'm starting to 'feel' things that I 'heard' but didn't understand when I first came to the boards. I feel like I'm doing just fine and I'm at the point that I've accepted that 'maybe' our paths will cross back into R; but I'm actually okay (myself) if not. It took me coming to grips that I don't want her back unless she changes to get here.

So, it may change tomorrow; but I feel like I'm doing good, detached, under control, dare I say content? Okay, maybe not the last one

_________________
So a little story for journalling. I was at a friend's church tonight for their son's first communion. I saw one of WW friends' there with her XH sitting next to each other. This is the couple that WW compared our M to during BD. I had responded at the time that I was confused because she had cheated on him and that's why they D. I guess that was WW's first slip about her A to me.

Anyway, this girl is re-married (with OM); but her and XH were sitting next to each other. OM was in the back of the church. Why? For their kids. It got me choked up a little because I guess I realize how much work it takes to get to that point and I wonder if WW and I ever will.

I guess there's another piece of acceptance; changing my thoughts from R and to how to be the best parents individually for our kids.

So, doing a little worse today, but overall still better than I've been up until the last couple weeks. It was just a day that I thought a lot about the sitch. It started with a dream last night that WW and I were sitting talking and I was trying to talk to her about how I felt that we could still R our M. She looked at me in shock and said "MCS, you think this is fixable?" I said yes....and then woke up.

Had a little turn around as I made cupcakes for S6 for school. His B-day was yesterday and WW took him and D4 to FIL house about 4 hours away for the weekend. I texted her that I'd like to call and wish him a happy B-Day and she had him call me. I guess that was good. One of the first times I've talked to them when they're with her.

She doesn't know I know, but the reason that she went up there is that her brother had some pretty bad medical stuff come back after having surgery about 4 years ago. I know she must be taking it hard and would love to be there for her, but she hasn't even said anything to me.

I'm just going to sit back and see if she lets me know, but not sure if that's the best thing. I assume it is, but open to any suggestions.

Went to the circus with the kids tonight. We had a blast, the kids were so excited they rode on the Elephants, and were enthralled the whole time.

....and then it hit me on the way home. This was 'our' new family, w/o WW. I am doing this, I've been just fine moving forward if these are the cards I'm handed. But why? It almost felt like the first family gathering after my younger sister passed. We were all together having a good time, but we were not complete. That feeling has gotten better over the last four years about my sister, but we all still struggle; especially my parents. But that wasn't anyone's choice in what happened...this is. Why?

Uggh, backslide the last few days. I guess I'm getting to be so comfortable without WW that I have moments that I realize it and just start wondering why it feels like I wasn't even given a chance to preserve the family that both her and I worked so hard on and were so proud of. What changed....

Interesting again to see you a few steps ahead of me. I haven't had this feeling of "being family" alone with the kids, even though we do a lot of stuff. It still feels like a temporary period. I'm glad you're having such a good time with them. I've been meaning to take mine to a circus too.

I sometimes wonder what WW would think if she realized that I think so much about the sitches. In many ways, my feelings have calmed down but not changed. If anything, as the magnitude of the consequences is hitting me, I increasingly feel that it would have been so much easier to fix things. It's like day 1.

Reading your post I had a realization that is always easier with other people sitches. In your dream, she asks you if this thing is repairable. I thought: "No MCS, she is not wondering if YOU think it's repairable, she knows you think so. She is wondering if she wants to repair it." And then I remembered that it applies to my sitch and all those dialogues in my head with WW about how this is repairable are pointless, they do not even address the issue.

For BIL, yes it's better that you let her come to you. She'll choose if she wants your input and support. Plus, she might be uncomfortable when she realizes that you know and that will open a whole new can of worms.