Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Letting go Qs

HD,

I have spoken with lawyer but not yet retained him. I sent W an email asking for an indefinite extension on my response to her petition for dissolution. I only have 30 days from date of service to file response, or her demands are approved as default. If she does not give me an extension, I will retain L and go that route. I will try to drag things out, but not sure how feasible that is in California since there is already a 6 month waiting period. I don't want to lawyer up because the end result will still be 50/50, but it all depends on her response.

yes, you hae to file a response withing 30 days and from there it can take years (if you want it to). I am not advocating this is the solution for you, but so you know, you can have time to make this decision thoughtfully if you wanted to.

Best of luck.

Heavy

How years?

lawyers can drag it out a loooonnnnggg time if you want them too. They can process motions, schedle delays, be unavailable, etc.... You just have to tell your lawyer that once you get him/her on retainer.

If that's what you want to do. Why are you thinking about this strategy? Are you trying to buy some time for your wife to cool out? Other ideas?

I initially thought that would be a good strategy. However, I have seen absolutely nothing from her indicating that there is any chance at all. As painful as it is, I think I need to just let things end and move forward in my single life. It's not what I want, but I cannot change her feelings and actions. She needs to experience the repetcussions to her actions.

IANAL

But... In Fl we had 21 days to respond. I couldn't find a lawyer I meshed with until about 10 days before my deadline to respond. She sent out a quick email to H's lawyer asking for a 30 day extension and got it.

I also told my L I was not in a hurry to be D'd. I said -- take your time but don't impede the process. Turns out H and his lawyer weren't very speedy either. He filed in March. I wasn't served until the first week of May.. We didn't schedule mediation until September and that was at MY REQUEST. I got to the point where I was sick of limbo and wanted to move forward with my life. So my lawyer was on them for awhile before they agreed to Sept. We never made it to mediation oddly enough our first piecingMC session was the day we were supposed to be at mediation.

Anyway, I'm rambling but point being - depending on what you have in the D (kids,assets,alimony etc.) it can take awhile. I recommend not standing in the way of it but you certainly don't need to be speeding it along unless you get to the point where you're ready to be done.

Karamer

Me again - your while post about you lovin her, being sorry, you forgive her, you respect her decisions etc... good for you!

I said almost the exact same words to my WAW. She too know that no matter what happens, I did not want this D and that our marriage could withstand it.

Hmmm.....

On my way to lawyer's office now. No big surprise, but my wife did not respond to my request to mediate things ourselves. She is still wanting me to take all the debts and doesn't want me to touch her retirement. This despite the fact that California is 50/50.

So now I spend money on a lawyer, and then I'm sure she will do the same, and we grow even further apart. I know it needs to be done to protect myself, just as I know that her actions to date show complete disregard and disrespect for me.

Kramer, to go back to your original post... Don't worry about how she sees letting go. That part is for you. You let go for your own well-being and peace of mind.

Look at it this way... Your old marriage is over. To have a possibility of building a new one, you need to acknowledge the ending too.

I had the same fear Kramer.

if I get a lawyer, then she will be mad and there is NO HOPE for any reconcilliation. Bottom line, you have to protect yourself and to know what your legal options are.

I am sorry you have to go through this.