It does. I backslid during our piecing, but I have come to the conclusion the H had some severe emotional issues, always had, and this could not have ended any other way. I became an emotional wreck, not so fun, (detach fail) out of his subtle hints of leaving me again and hurtful behaviors in between the nice stuff. His choice was to end it, cruel and cold as he could be.
It helps me to know that the tainted feeling, the entitled feelings are natural. I would say everything smelled like cat pee that had been cleaned up but hadn't gone away
I will be rooting for you, TO. I am glad your man realized he'd be a fool to leave someone who tried as hard as you have!
I think my H's upbringing played into his actions or reactions should I say.
I totally get you on the emotional wreck part. That's where I think piecing is more difficult because we are trying to form new relationships while dealing with working on old stuff and healing from whatever happened during separation.
I am not sticking up for your H by any means and don't know everything that happened but only speaking from here I'm sure it didn't play well into piecing if you were like I was. I was so sure that any disagreement we had H would think of D. Which he later told me when we talked about it was NOT the case. I also became more concerned wth who he was texting on his phone, what he was doing, etc. And while I didn't always ask about it he told me he could just tell when something was up with me.
I'm just playing devils advocate here, while I don't and woudln't condone anything physical the best way to learn from all of this is to look at both sides. Not to diminish anything of any sort but to at least work on what you can so you can be your best and Healthy for you.
So happy you are not one of those ladies that get back into a R and then start taking it for granted and empty a jar of painful words on a H because of all his missteps.
You sound really mature, you know the R is very fragile, you know it need nurture and you are doing it. Watering the seed everyday. Fantastic!!!
It's very encouraging to read you story. Love it.
XOXO Pink
Thanks Pink
I will say one of the things I rarely did (maybe twice total) was hash out the past as far as yelling and calling him names and saying hurtful things. The only time I did do that the two times was in the beginning of piecing in August-October.
I hope that my story will help others on wjat not to do and what works. I hope to be able to help others but still have a lot to learn myself. I also plan to stay around here to repay all the help others have given me. I will never forget Woundedfool telling me I could repay him by returning the help to others. So that I will do.
T, I'm so glad things are still improving. You sound very strong and confident. You rock!
Originally Posted By: T0324
That's where I think piecing is more difficult because we are trying to form new relationships while dealing with working on old stuff and healing from whatever happened during separation.
I was thinking about this today. When H and I were first piecing the pain was so raw and little things seemed to ignite my fears. Everything between us felt fragile. One day I'd think we were doing great and the next I thought he was out the door again. Now the pain is more of a dull ache that rarely flares up and we are back on even ground. It somewhat boggles my mind how one day things just seemed to click into place and the fear really dissipated.
I'm so impressed by how you've handled everything, T0. I'm sure many people on these boards will benefit from your advice.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
You are a pillar to hold many of us going through the separation and like myself the Big D.
It's a huge inspiration to keep trying and standing for our marriages once reading that you too, lived a very hard time with your Hs having an affair.
This week is very hard for me. Just to think that my H went to Paris to see his affair, brakes my heart. Sometimes I even think if it is even possible to go back together after all this.
But I read all your lines and see that life is not always as perfect as we would like it to be.
TO, thanks for being here and give this inspiration that we all need so much. I am following your footsteps and started making a list of what can work for me. I have been giving in every time my H is crying and feeling like crap, but he still knows how to arrange everything in his life just to go see the OW.
It's time I stop going on cheeseless tunnels and find the way that works. You are my guidance. Thank you.
Hope and pray that things go well and all the pain you both went through is left in the past. That your R will be filled with new experiences that will make you stronger together.
I agree I felt the same way! Still do some days and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't tough but we are definitely in a way better place than a few months ago. Hard to believe where we've come from since the new year. I'm glad to hear things are getting better for you guys. I am hopeful that one day this will be a distant memory and won't pop into my mind as often as now.
Pink- I'm sorry your H is away making poor choices. I know how hard it is. My H took several vacations with OW and her family. OW and her step mom (who was in my wedding!!) plastered photos all over social media. So as far as what you can come back from - don't worry about that now. I used to ask that all the time. IF it ever comes to R you can worry about all of that then because you will face a whole new flood of emotions.
Thank you for your words, Pink. I owe so much to this forum and the many wonderful people here. I hope I can pay it forward to others.
I can't stress enough how important it is to take control of your life and do what makes you happy. You don't have to be rude to H but you don't need to be his best friend. He needs to MISS you. Right now he can cry to you and run to OW. Why wouldn't he want to keep it this way? You're cuddling with him while still going over D paperwork. I don't say this to be mean I just want you to worry about yourself and put you first!
Seriously, you have to celebrate this! Not only is there reason to rejoice, but it's a great opportunity for a very meaningful date. Make it memorable.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
