Sorry Zelda, I can only imagine having your M seem within reach and it all goes to hell again. Don't blame yourself, it was his choice. His action, not yours. I know the struggle of feeling like you could have done things different to change it somehow, but you cant go down that road. Its all speculation on the "what ifs" and lives in fantasy land. The only thing that matters is what happened, not what could have happened. Your not responsible for his choices, only yours.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Z- you cant, you just cant, keep "What If'ing" yourself or "Why-ing" yourself to death. I know, of all people, I am telling you this. But you're not going to get the answers you want, not right now, maybe never. You told him to leave a second time, because you couldn't and would not take his behavior- completely understandable. You drew a line in the sand and said you wont take this. I admire that, so much.
I'll say it again, because you've said it to me, so many times. H was just not ready Z. Just not ready to come home. Maybe he thought he was, but he just isn't. I don't completely understand what you feel, but remember, W did tell me once, she's coming back and then she didnt. I know the pain you're feeling, we all do.
Keep being you Z, let H have some more time to fix himself , to think things over, remember its the quiet times that he has to himself that he gets to really figure things out. Praying for you Z.
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
