Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Letting go Qs

... I'm trying to remember if I ever felt that way when my wife was there. .... Honestly I did. Hell yeah, I did, at many different times over the years. In the beginning it was sort of like this grief - but to a much lesser degree because she was still there. Towards the end I suppose I had detached from her.

but that isn't the same as the alone we feel right now. it is hard, and i dont want to do it, but i have to force myself not to think about it. i've tried for long enough to just keep going and let myself think about it if happen too. and it has helped in a way. i have had though long and hard about everything. i have exhausted all reason. thinking about it more is not going to uncover anything new. it isn't going to help me. it feels very artificial, and contrived, and even wrong, but i have to force myself. i know that it will get easier. it has even without trying to do this, so imagine if i try. but i still have my reservations.

if being detached is so easily achieved then how real was my love that i can just turn it off. i dont know that it is a fair comparison though. why should i ever be attached. why should i let myself be. so many questions. but at this point i am ready to give it a shot. if it is irreversible and i become a loveless drone, i'll try to remember to post and let you know to stay away. but with so much support and examples of ppl here moving on.....

Yes me too. I will never be able to trust another again with such honesty. I just won't not after being stomped on like I have been.

Better to have loved than to never have loved at all - isnt that how that poem goes?

I hope you are having a good time in Newport with your family.

Kramer

I would really like to meet you and we could discuss our situations. I don't know if that is something you even want to do, but I feel like we have such common situations and feelings about it. Plus we both live in Cali.

Are you in SoCal?

We all need to meet up for a "happy" hour. I think being LBSs has made all of us a band of brothers. I feel the same way about life, the ex, kids, and friends... it's like I could be posting the exact same questions and thoughts.

It would be great to have some people to hang out with that are in a similar situation. All my friends are married or divorced. The few friends are divorced did not DB and they are still very bitter and angry at their exes. I have looked at divorce groups in my area, but haven't been. I know I should just go.

Kramer, I completely feel like you do. Like I'm just going through the motions. I feel like I am worse today than I was 2 weeks ago. I can't sleep, not eating, but I'm great at focusing on being pissed off. A mental or emotional backslide maybe? The good news, I'm not texting or calling ex at all. I'm just numb towards her. I don't respond to her questions to be dark or rude, I just give a flip about her stupid and petty questions.

She will be coming back to the house today for Easter and to stay during the week to watch the kids while I'm at work. This arrangement is the worst. I don't want her around.

Good luck guys. We can do this. We're not the first and we won't be the last.

Yes, I am in So Cal - LA in particular.

I think a meetup would be a great idea. It would be so helpful to share of these experiences.

Let me know.

Debating whether or not I should send a final clarification email regarding my thoughts, experiences, and perceptions of our relationship. I don't want there to be any doubts as to my feelings. I am not expecting or wanting anything in return. I can then say goodbye for good. I can't see our relationship doing anything but dying.

Kramer, your sitch is still pretty new. My advice would be write out the text for the email, post it here, get some comments. Use the 48 hour rule - pen it, reflect on advice - allow 48 hours before you send anything.

I have had many urges to write emails - normally in the height of emotion. And I have often been very glad I haven't sent them....

You seem to want to act - but the truth may be you just need to wait.....

I concur, write the email, and then delete it. Write a letter if you have to and then toss it. It will feel good to get the emotion out but DO NOT SENT IT.

You WW knows exactly how you feel. She is unable to undertand it right now as she is deep in the fog. The letter will only solidify her anger against you. It's pretty typical.

That's my suggestion.

When it comes to using words with a WAW in ANY form (face to face, emails, texts), my rule is DONT.

Anything you say that can be interpreted negatively will be.

Anything you say that is positive will force them to recall MORE negatives to fight the positive feelings they don't want to feel, and they'll dig in harder!

NOTHING good can happen.

My advise is talk ONLY with your ACTIONS.